Plants vs. Zombies 2/Dialogue

This is all of the storyline dialogue from Plants vs. Zombies 2 and its Chinese version.

Current version
These are the dialogues used in the current version of Plants vs. Zombies 2.

Player's House - Day 4
(After the player completes the level, Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Hey neighbor!

Crazy Dave: Can I borrow your hot sauce?

(Crazy Dave brings out his taco)

Crazy Dave: I've been holding this taco forever!

(Crazy Dave eats his taco)

Crazy Dave (Surprised): Oh! That was... AMAZING!

Crazy Dave: I want to eat THAT taco again! I need my TIME MACHINE!

(Penny appears)

Crazy Dave: Her name is Penny and I'm Crazy Dave. But you call me Crazy Dave.

Penny: Finally, another User who can process my queries.

Penny: Let me postulate, Dave wants to go back in time to eat his taco.... again...

Crazy Dave: She's so smart! Now let's go after my taco!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Ancient Egypt - Day 1
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: Welcome to Ancient Egypt!

Penny: Please wait 4500 years for your taco to be ready... more or less.

Crazy Dave: That doesn't smell right.

Crazy Dave: I'm sure my taco is around here somewhere, but in the meantime...

Crazy Dave: These plants were made for plantin'.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

(After the player completes the level and receive the Map of time space-ness)

Crazy Dave: Good news! Penny found a map to my taco!

Penny: No, that is a time-space map to the worlds we could explore.

Crazy Dave: Mummies and pirates and cowboys, oh my!

Penny: We should be able to find some way to access the other worlds.

Penny: For now, we're ready to press on in Ancient Egypt!

(After pressing Ancient Egypt)

Crazy Dave: Now this looks like the map to my taco!

Penny: To be precise this is a world map where we can find plants that can help us and...

Crazy Dave: ...

Penny: User Dave, there are more important things at hand than...

Crazy Dave: Let's go get my taco!

Penny: ...

Ancient Egypt - Day 2
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Those plants look hungry.

Crazy Dave: If only there was something that you could feed them...

(Penny appears)

Penny: Plant Food is packed with vitamins and minerals.

Penny: It's an essential part of a complete breakfast.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

(After the tutorial)

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: I wonder if Plant Food works on other types of plants?

(Crazy Dave leaves)

(After completing the level and get Cabbage-pult)

Crazy Dave: You know what would be helpful?

Crazy Dave: A place where you can read about plants and zombies.

Penny: You mean like the interactive Almanac?

Crazy Dave: Nah, that would never work.

Ancient Egypt - Day 3
(Penny appears)

Penny: I found some spare change.

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Penny, you're finally makin' sense!

Crazy Dave: Here neighbor, have some moola! Why? Because I'm CRAAAZY!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Ancient Egypt - Day 4
(Penny appears)

Penny: No need for sun. Plants are coming via special delivery.

(Penny leaves)

Ancient Egypt - Day 5
(Penny appears)

Penny: You have some Power Ups! I'll show you how to use them.

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Yeah, and now we can break the seal. Let's get crazy!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Ancient Egypt - Day 6
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: If you want to use a Power Up, you can buy one with coins.

Crazy Dave: Just tap on that doohickey down there and you're in business!

(Crazy Dave leaves)

Ancient Egypt - Day 7
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Oh good. There are no zombies here.

(Penny appears)

Penny: False. They're using camouflage.

Crazy Dave: You mean they're using... camel-flage.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

(After the player completes the level and receives the note)

Penny: My Gügle translator indicates the zombies have a plan.

Crazy Dave: Is that a brain grill?

Ancient Egypt - Day 8
(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Greetings Temporal Commuters,

Dr. Zomboss: Special couriers have been dispatched to retrieve your brains.

Dr. Zomboss: Please have your release forms signed before their arrival.

Dr. Zomboss: Regards, Dr. Edgar Zomboss.

(Dr. Zomboss leaves)

(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Cool, that Mr. Boss guy wants your autograph!

Penny: This can't be good.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

(After the player completes the level and receives the World Key, Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: It looks like a courier had his own delivery to make!

Penny: This will be useful for traveling to other times.

Crazy Dave: Yeah! Time to try the Taco Map!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Ancient Egypt - Day 11
(Penny appears)

Penny: This level is a locked coordinate in time.

Penny: You must take these plants to win.

Penny: Otherwise, you risk distorting reality.

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Never distort reality! You'll pull something.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Ancient Egypt - Day 12
(After the player completes the level and receives Pyramid of Doom, Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: Though tetrahedrons are pyramids, this one is not a Platonic solid.

Crazy Dave: I'm so hungry, I would love a Platonic solid.

Penny: User Dave, this is also not a taco salad.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Ancient Egypt - Day 15
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: There's a plant call on the banana phone. It's an S.O.S.!

(Penny appears)

Penny: They'll be sitting plants if we don't help. Let's take that root and save them!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Ancient Egypt - Day 18
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: This will be the first last stand. There will be more lasts to come.

(Crazy Dave leaves)

Ancient Egypt - Day 25
(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Have you ever wondered why your neighbor David hungers so?

Dr. Zomboss: What secret ingredient in the taco would drive his desire?

Dr. Zomboss: Could it be that he needs your brains as much as we do?

(Dr. Zomboss leaves)

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Wha-?! No way. I would never eat a brain taco!

Crazy Dave: But, I don't remember what was in it...

(Crazy Dave leaves)

(After the player defeats Zombot Sphinx-inator and receives the Ancient Egypt Trophy, Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Wait a minute!

Crazy Dave: There was never any meat in that taco.

Crazy Dave: I still have Tofunky in my beard to prove it!

(Crazy Dave leaves)

(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Well, that just leaves more brains for us... later.

Dr. Zomboss: I'll find you again, in another where and another when!

(Dr. Zomboss leaves)

Travel Log
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Penny, look! Above my head!

Crazy Dave: It's the TRAVEL LOG!

Crazy Dave: What's that, Travel Log? You provide guidance, progress and rewards?

Penny: The Log is not actually speaking, User Dave.

Crazy Dave: Thanks, Travel Log! Whatever you say!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Pyramid of Doom
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Hi neighbor! Welcome to the Pyramid of Doom!

Crazy Dave: It's just like a regular pyramid, but... you know... doomier.

(Crazy Dave leaves)

Pirate Seas - Day 1
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: I thought we were trying to get back home and get your taco.

Crazy Dave (Surprised): But Pirates! Hang on to your parrots and peg legs!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Pirate Seas - Day 3
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: I love the smell of coconut cannons in the morning!

Crazy Dave: Smells like... well, coconuts.

(Crazy Dave leaves)

Pirate Seas - Day 4
(After the player completes the level and receives Dead Man's Booty, Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Finally, one of these pirates dropped some booty!

Penny: I'm detecting something more challenging than treasure inside.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Pirate Seas - Day 5
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Butter and spikes and everything nice.

Crazy Dave: That's what butter and spikes are made of.

(Penny appears)

Penny: That's hard to argue or agree with.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Pirate Seas - Day 7
(After the player completes the level and receives the note)

Penny: Look out. It's a map.

Crazy Dave: To treasure! It says no zombies. Maps don't lie!

Penny: Well, we do have a shovel.

Crazy Dave: Let's go! No time for precautions!

Pirate Seas - Day 8
(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Hail fellow Captain,

Dr. Zomboss: Be advised that your sailing vessel is of insufficient size.

Dr. Zomboss: Sincerely, Dr. Edgar Zomboss.

(Dr. Zomboss leaves)

(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Huh? What's that now?

Penny: We're gonna need a bigger boat.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

(After the player completes the level and receives the World Key, Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: This will be most useful!

Penny: With it we can access another World.

Crazy Dave: Nuts. I was hoping it would make our boat bigger.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Pirate Seas - Day 11
(Penny appears)

Penny: Target score activated. Let's see if you can beat my high score.

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: And put in KRZYDV as your initials.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Pirate Seas - Day 14
(Penny appears)

Penny: It's low tide and the waves are coming in.

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Grab your water wings! We're going to get wet.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Pirate Seas - Day 25
(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: I've discovered a mysterious trait in your rattletrap time machine.

Dr. Zomboss: Its temporal signature is nearly identical to my own creations.

Dr. Zomboss: Explain to me, how was this "Penny" created in the first place?

(Dr. Zomboss leaves)

(Penny appears)

Penny: Could I really be some form of Zombot?

Penny: User Dave, am I the daughter of Dr. Zomboss?

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: That was one fine sandwich! So, what did I miss?

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

(After the player defeats Zombot Plank Walker and receives the Pirate Seas Trophy, Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: Please, tell me about your creation process.

Crazy Dave: It was pretty easy! I found some timey wabby wabbo stuff.

Crazy Dave: Then I put it between two slices of bread...

Crazy Dave: BOOM! Awesome sandwich!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Such proliferous bunk. I should have expected as much.

Dr. Zomboss: I'll have the answers someday, when David's brains are on my plate.

(Dr. Zomboss leaves)

Dead Man's Booty
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Hi neighbor! Welcome to Dead Man's Booty!

Crazy Dave: I'd plunder that.

(Crazy Dave and leaves)

Wild West - Day 1
(Penny appears)

Penny: Six shooters: locked and loaded

Penny: Old timey piano music: downloaded

Penny: Chance of taco: 0.015%

Penny: Margin of error: 0.016%

(Penny leaves)

Wild West - Day 4
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: It appears that zombies have been gathered in that corral.

Crazy Dave: A not O.K. Corral

Crazy Dave: Better plant something before they get loose.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Wild West - Day 6
(Penny appears)

Penny: It's high noon, and waves of zombies about.

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Time to show them who's got the fastest plants in time!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Wild West - Day 7
(Penny appears)

Penny: Like cow tipping, zombie tipping is best done from the side.

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Trust me, do not try and tip a cow from behind!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

(After the player completes the level and receives the note)

Penny: It appears brains are outlawed around here.

Crazy Dave: Quick, neighbor. Play dumb.

Penny: We'll follow your lead, User Dave.

Wild West - Day 8
(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Greetings Plant Rustler,

Dr. Zomboss: Agents are arriving to mark your brains as my property.

Dr. Zomboss: Salutations, Dr. Edgar Zomboss.

(Dr. Zomboss leaves)

(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: I don't want my brains all marked up.

Crazy Dave: It took forever to get'em clean.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

(After the player completes the level and receives the World Key, Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Maybe we can use that to unlock our minds.

Crazy Dave: I still have some cleaning to do.

Penny: It would be better used gaining access to a World.

Penny: You know, for the greater good of...

Crazy Dave: The Taco! I almost forgot.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Wild West - Day 9
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: These plants are mine.

Crazy Dave: Well not mine... yours.

Crazy Dave: They're for the mine...

Crazy Dave: carts.

(Crazy Dave leaves)

Wild West - Day 16
(Penny appears)

Penny: These levels can be tough nuts to crack.

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: And I want to see the delicious creamy center.

Penny: The point is not to crack them.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Wild West - Day 25
(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Have you considered that you are sharing in Crazy David's madness?

Dr. Zomboss: There is not zombie outbreak threatening you.

Dr. Zomboss: You are not using plants to defend your home.

Dr. Zomboss: The zombies and I are normal people, simply trying to help you.

(Dr. Zomboss leaves)

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: I bet you'll tell us there are no spoons, too!

(Crazy Dave leaves)

(After the player defeats Zombot War Wagon and receives the Wild West Trophy, Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: That's right! These plants versus you and your zombies.

Crazy Dave: And we didn't even use any spoons...

Crazy Dave: Even though those things totally exist!

(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: I admit you are correct in this regard.

Dr. Zomboss: We have no existential conflict over the nature of spoons.

(Dr. Zomboss leaves)

Big Bad Butte
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Hi neighbor! Welcome to the Big Bad Butte!

Crazy Dave: And by big I mean crawling with zombies...

(Crazy Dave leaves)

Far Future - Day 1
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: The Future! Weird, I thought I would be hungrier.

Crazy Dave: After all I haven't eaten in 4000 years!

(Penny appears)

Penny: ...

Crazy Dave: Hey, what happened to the lawn? It's so glowly!

Penny: I'm detecting an array of Power Tiles on the space-lawn.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Far Future - Day 4
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: You know how sometimes suns are bombs?

Crazy Dave: This is one of these times!

(Crazy Dave leaves)

Far Future - Day 6
(Penny appears)

Penny: You can pick your friends, but you can't pick these plants.

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: But some of my best friends are plants!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Far Future - Day 7
(After the player completes the level and receives the note)

Crazy Dave: It says there's an error. Can you come here and fix it Penny?

Penny: Did you try unplugging it and plugging it back in?

Far Future - Day 8
(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Welcome back Gardener,

Dr. Zomboss: In this year your brains were collected ages ago.

Dr. Zomboss: Collect them again soon, Dr. Edgar Zomboss.

(Dr. Zomboss leaves)

(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Watch out neighbor, I'm pretty sure he wasn't talking about my BRAINS!

Penny: I would say there's evidence to the contrary.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Far Future - Day 15
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Protect those Citrons!

Crazy Dave: It takes a lot of pulp to stand your ground like that.

Crazy Dave leaves)

Far Future - Day 21
(Penny appears)

Penny: You can decide to launch one mower early now.

Penny: Just press and hold a mower when the time is right.

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Sometimes that's the most strate-logical thing to do!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leaves)

Far Future - Day 25
(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Isn't it convenient that your neighbor is so helpful in your fight against us zombies?

Dr. Zomboss: Crazy David's apparent incompetence is only eclipsed by his usefulness.

Dr. Zomboss: However, with one secret word my sleeper agent will turn against you.

Dr. Zomboss: Listen to me David, "Hypno-Zombnosis".

(Dr. Zomboss leaves)

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Hey neighbor!

Crazy Dave: Can I borrow your brains? Um, I mean hot sauce!

(Crazy Dave leaves)

(After the player defeats the Zombot Tomorrow-tron and receives the Far Future Trophy)

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Oh! That was...hypno-MAZING!

Crazy Dave: I want to eat THAT hypno-taco again! I need my TIME MACHINE!

Crazy Dave: What? Wait a minute... what was I saying again?

(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Hypno-Zombnosis... Hypno-ZOMBNOSIS!

Dr. Zomboss: Drat, or was it Zombno-Hypnosis?

(Dr. Zomboss leaves)

Terror from Tomorrow
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Hi neighbor! Welcome to the Terror from Tomorrow!

Crazy Dave: Making tomorrow's terror something terrible for today!

(Crazy Dave leaves)

Dark Ages - Night 1
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Whoa there! Who dimmed the lights?

Penny: No one, User Dave. We have simply arrived in the Dark Ages.

Crazy Dave: Sounds gloomy to me.

Penny: Indeed. According to my research, a plague has swept this era.

Penny: Also, sun no longer falls from the sky.

Crazy Dave: What we need is someone to brighten this place up!

Crazy Dave: I got it! We need Sun-shrooms!

Crazy Dave: Those guys not only know how to turn a frown upside-down...

Crazy Dave: They make more sun as they grow! Great guys, very talented.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Dark Ages - Night 4
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: Data suggests the Dark Ages were a time of intellectual decline and moral confusion.

Penny: Perhaps now is a good time to call upon the persuasive powers of the Hypno-shroom?

Crazy Dave: Good idea, Penny! We'll convert the wicked - Dark Ages style!

Crazy Dave: Deploy this shroom and the zombies won't know what bit them...

Crazy Dave: Until they see that it was their fellow zombies! Then, mind BLOWN!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Dark Ages - Night 5
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: I'm afraid the Dark Ages are giving me a bad case of the vapours.

Penny: User Dave, the vapours are no longer considered a real ailment.

Penny: But I believe Fume-shroom will be of use here.

Penny: His vapors are quite real and provide a distinct advantage against the right zombie opponents.

Crazy Dave: Fume-tastic! Let's give the zombies a case of the vapours instead!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Dark Ages - Night 9
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: Warning! I've detected carafes containing chemical compounds of a malevolent makeup!

Crazy Dave: Can you translate that into Crazy Dave Talk for me?

Penny: There are evil potions on the lawn!

Crazy Dave: Evil medieval potions! They're the most dangerous kind...

Crazy Dave: On account of having twice the evil!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

(After the player completes the level and receives a note)

Penny: User Dave, we have encountered a scroll.

Crazy Dave: I love side-scrollers! They're my second favorite kind of game.

Penny: This is not a game. It's a piece of parchment bearing a message.

Crazy Dave: Will ya look at that! It's Dark Ages email. Neat-o!

Dark Ages - Night 10
(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Well met, Not-Very-Noble Lord!

Dr. Zomboss: It is my fervent medical opinion that your humours are out of balance!

Dr. Zomboss: Methinks the siphoning of thine brains is the only way to correct this ailment!

Dr. Zomboss: Fare thee ill, Dr. Edgar Zomboss

(Dr. Zomboss leaves)

(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Hey! I prefer my humors and my brains unbalanced!

Crazy Dave: Because I'm CRAAAAZY!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Dark Ages - Night 12
(After the player completes the level and receives Arthur's Challenge, Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Why would anyone go and stick a nice sword in a dirty ol' rock?

Penny: I understand it to be a test, User Dave.

Penny: Only someone with great physical strength and strength of character may remove it.

Crazy Dave: I bet someone with a jackhammer could remove it.

Crazy Dave: A CRAAAZY someone!

Penny: An inelegant but no doubt effective solution to the test, User Dave.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Dark Ages - Night 13
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Boy, Pea-shooter and Wall-nut are good at what they do.

Crazy Dave: Talk about two great plants that fight great together!

Penny: User Dave! Perhaps you are not cerebrally unsound as you periodically insist!

Penny: What if there was one plant that behaved like both a Pea-shooter AND a Wall-nut?

Penny: We would call it a... Pea-nut!

Crazy Dave: Two plant powers in one legume's body?

Crazy Dave: Keep talkin' like that and people are going to call you Crazy Penny!

Crazy Dave: Which would be weird for both of us.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Dark Ages - Night 16
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: According to my data, iron and other metals were routinely put to use during the Dark Ages.

Penny: Thus, Magnet-shroom should make an excellent ally here.

Crazy Dave: He can pull buckets, helmets and other metal objects off of zombies!

Crazy Dave: Some people think it's magic. But really, it's just physics. (Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Dark Ages - Night 20
(introduction dialogue)

(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: A question for you, my Ignoble Foes!

Dr. Zomboss: Has thou noted how violent thine plants become upon consuming Plant Food?

Dr. Zomboss: Perchance, hast thou wondered what Plant Food is truly made of?

Dr. Zomboss: Verily, I shall tell thee. It's zombies! Plant Food is made of zombies!

(Dr. Zomboss disappears)

(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Unpossible! We feed our plants only the highest quality organic uhm...

Crazy Dave: Hey Penny, what is Plant Food made of?

Penny: I fear the true nature of Plant Food requires further analysis, User Dave.

Penny: Excuse me while I run some tests.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

(after defeating Dr. Zomboss and receiving the Dark Ages Trophy)

(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: I have found no evidence that Plant Food contains zombies or zombie byproducts.

Crazy Dave: Phew! Plants shouldn't eat zombies who eat plants.

Crazy Dave: Except Chomper. He has to. Dude needs the fiber.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Why does thine time-traveling jalopy lie to thee?

Dr. Zomboss: Now, I pray, imagine maniacal laughter as I depart.

(Dr. Zomboss disappears)

Arthur's Challenge
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Hi neighbor! Welcome to Arthur's Challenge!

Crazy Dave: Here you'll find that day is night and knights are zombies!

(Crazy Dave leaves)

Vasebreaker
(On the map)

Crazy Dave: Now here's a break with tradition.

Crazy Dave: Facebreaker is a blast from the past, right to your face!

Penny: It's called Vasebreaker, User Dave. Vasebreaker.

Crazy Dave: In that case, it must be right to your vase!

Check out Vasebreaker!

Vasebreaker Intro
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: A lawn of vases is like a box of chocolates.

Crazy Dave: Some are awesome! Others taste downright ugly!

Crazy Dave: But all vases are much harder on your teeth!

Penny: Be careful with how fast you break vases.

Penny: You might end up with more ugly than you can handle.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Big Wave Beach - Day 1
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Look at this beeeeautiful beach!

Crazy Dave: It's got everything a growing plant needs!

Crazy Dave: Sun, sand and lots o' water!

Penny: Caution, User Dave. My sensors indicate there are zombies on your beach...

Penny:... and far too much water. It will overwhelm the plants.

Crazy Dave: No problem-o! We'll just lay down some Lily Pads.

Crazy Dave: Then the other plants can ride the waves!

Penny: Or as the vernacular of this era goes: They can "hang ten."

Crazy Dave: Right on, Penny, Right on!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Big Wave Beach - Day 2
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: User Dave, data suggests that we should beware the tides.

Crazy Dave: When the tide comes in, it'll be a WIPE OUT for our plant friends?

Penny: Indeed. But the tide line indicates how high the water will rise. Plan accordingly.

Crazy Dave: The tide comes in, the tide goes out. Who can explain it?

Penny: That would be science, User Dave.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Big Wave Beach - Day 3
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: When fighting zombies from the deep...

Penny: ...we need a plant with the appetite of a shark.

Crazy Dave: I catch your drift, Penny. You're talking about Chomper!

Penny: Indeed. His sharp teeth could turn the tide of battle.

Crazy Dave: Hey, I have an idea too! We could call this Chomper Week!

Penny: If we must, User Dave. If we must.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Big Wave Beach - Day 8
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: My research indicates that the sport of bowling experienced a heyday during this era.

Crazy Dave: Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Penny?

Penny: I find your thought process indecipherable, User Dave.

Penny: I was thinking that Bowling Bulbs would make excellent allies here.

Crazy Dave: Huh, I was thinking how much I love wearing bowling shoes.

Crazy Dave: So many colors... right there on my feet!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Big Wave Beach - Day 15
(after beating the level and obtaining the note)

Crazy Dave: Look! It must be time to play Beach Zombie Bungo!

Penny: Bingo, User Dave. It's BINGO.

Crazy Dave: You already won, Penny? Wow. You're good at this!

Big Wave Beach - Day 16
(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Dudes, like, you're totally in for it now!

Dr. Zomboss: The Deep Sea Gargantuars have their slimy sights on you.

Dr. Zomboss: You can run! You can swim!

Dr. Zomboss: But you can't escape their scaly grip!

(Dr. Zomboss disappears)

(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Ugh. That dude is totally gnarly.

Penny: He is also quite unpleasant, User Dave. Quite unpleasant.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Big Wave Beach - Day 18
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: I tell ya, Penny, these surf-loving zombies are the pits!

Penny: Analyzing the phrase: "The pits"...

Penny: Hmm. Pits. Very interesting. User Dave! You are a genius!

Crazy Dave: I am?

Penny: No. No you are not. However, you have given me an idea.

Penny: Guacodile! This plant fights zombies with pit-like projectiles.

Penny: And he employs a powerful bite as well.

Penny: Plant him on the front lines. You'll see.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Big Wave Beach - Day 32
(Introduction dialogue)

(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Yo beach bums! Don't flip your lid.

Dr. Zomboss: But have you noticed that Chomper and Bikini Zombie have been ultra cozy lately?

Dr. Zomboss: Could a beachside plant-zombie romance be in bloom?

Dr. Zomboss: Speaking of which, how sure of you of Chomper's loyalties?

Dr. Zomboss: I can't help but notice... that plant has the appetite of a zombie.

Dr. Zomboss: Chew on that land lovers! Later dudes! Dr. Zomboss

(Dr. Zomboss disappears)

(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: A plant-zombie romance? Penny... my mind is BLOWN!

Penny: User Dave, do not jump to conclusions. I suggest something more productive.

Penny: Let us jump into the action!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

(After defeating Dr. Zomboss and receiving the Big Wave Beach Trophy.)

(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: A plant-zombie romance? That's just craaaazy!

Crazy Dave: And I know a thing or two about craaaazy!

Penny: I concur. I suspect Dr. Zomboss was attempting to sow seeds of discontent.

Crazy Dave: From now on, we are the only ones sowing seeds around here!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Totally bogus! Little do you know what I have in store for you!

Dr. Zomboss: The seeds of destruction have been planted! Brace yourselves for a wipe out!

Dr. Zomboss: But for now, I gotta split. Catch you dweebs later!

(Dr. Zomboss disappears)

Tiki Torch-er
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Hi neighbor! Welcome to The Tiki Torch-er!

Crazy Dave: But Beware! Zombies are selling seashells by this seashore!

Crazy Dave: And they insist you pay in brains!

(Crazy Dave leaves)

Frostbite Caves - Day 1
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Brrrrr. It's colder than a polar bear eating an ice pop!

Penny: Indeed. It appears we have arrived in the Frostbite Caves.

Crazy Dave: We've traveled so far back in history ... we've arrived in PREhistory!

Penny: A historic moment indeed, User Dave. But more importantly...

Penny: My sensors indicate there is an ice floe on the lawn.

Penny: Data suggests it will block both plants and zombies.

Penny: Though I predict zombies will find a way around it.

Crazy Dave: Don't worry. We'll plant wisely and stop those zombies COLD!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Frostbite Caves - Day 15
(After beating the level and obtaining a stone tablet)

Crazy Dave: Penny, hath you ever tried licking an ice-thickle and got your tongue thtuck to it?

Penny: No, User Dave. I have not.

Crazy Dave: Uh... me neither. Thath would be craaaazthy.

Penny: Sigh. While your tongue heals, please note the strange stone tablet.

Penny: It appears to be a warning sign, written in Cave Zombie.

Crazy Dave: Doesth it warn people not to lick ice-thickles?

Frostbite Caves - Day 16
(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Me Zomboss. Me write you another threatening note.

Dr. Zomboss: You in trouble. Biiiiig trouble. Gargantuan trouble, in fact!

Dr. Zomboss: Sloth Gargantuar smash! Smash your tiny, shivering plants!

Dr. Zomboss: Sloth Gargantuar deliver prehistoric plague of Imps!

Dr. Zomboss: Have bad day. Sincerely, Dr. Zomboss.

(Dr. Zomboss disappears)

(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: I postulate evolution will never come to that zombie.

Crazy Dave: Not in a million, billion, gazillion years.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Frostbite Caves - Day 30
(introduction dialogue)

(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Gurrreetings! Dr. Zomboss have prehistoric question for pitiful plant friends.

Dr. Zomboss: Why you hunt for taco? Is taco all it cracked up to be?

Dr. Zomboss: Could it be... trap? Could it be... trick?

Dr. Zomboss: Chew on that! Mwwwahahaha unga unga!

(Dr. Zomboss disappears)

(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Penny... my taco!?!

Penny: User Dave, ignore the taco. Ignore the taunts.

Penny: It's time to FIGHT DR. ZOMBOSS!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

(After defeating Dr. Zomboss and receiving the Frostbite Caves Trophy)

(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: Well done. We have defeated Dr. Zomboss.

Crazy Dave: And his attempt to make me question my taco!

Penny: User Dave, our journey through time...

Penny: You know that it is about more than just a taco.

Crazy Dave: I suppose you're right, Penny. It's also about-

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Ha! Dr. Zomboss not defeated!

Dr. Zomboss: Dr. Zomboss crawl back from brink of destruction!

Dr. Zomboss: Dr. Zomboss return when you no expect him. Bring BIG SURPRISE!

Dr. Zomboss: Dr. Zomboss stop speaking about self in third-person now! Guuudbye!

(Dr. Zomboss disappears)

Travel Log
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Penny, look! Above my head!

Crazy Dave: It's the TRAVEL LOG!

Crazy Dave: What's that, Travel Log? You provide guidance, progress and rewards?

Penny: The Log is not actually speaking, User Dave.

Crazy Dave: Thanks, Travel Log! Whatever you say!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Lost City - Day 1
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Woah! Welcome to the jungle!

Penny: User Dave, this is no ordinary jungle. A scan of my records indicated that this is the fabled Lost City.

Penny: Historical texts state that the Sun was worshipped here. Resources should be plentiful.

Penny: I suggest that we try planting on the Gold Tiles that we find here.

Penny: They should continuously generate sun as long as they have plants on them.

Crazy Dave: Lost City? This is it Penny! We've found it!

Crazy Dave: Where else would I find my lost taco, except in a Lost City?

Penny: Your continued fixation defies all logic or reason, User Dave.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Lost City - Day 2
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: My sensors indicate movement incoming from above.

Crazy Dave: Maybe it's presents. Presents from the sky!

Penny: The chances of that statement being true are statistically irrelevant.

Penny: I believe it to be a new form of zombie threat. We should be cautious of unexpected guests.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Lost City - Day 3
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: We are facing considerable threats, User Dave. I suggest that we retaliate with tremendous force.

Crazy Dave: More forceful! That's it! We'll give them all a stern talking to.

Penny: I was referring to the Lava Guava. Its explosive blasts leave behind dangerous magma.

Crazy Dave: That sounds even better! First a stern talking, then some lava!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Lost City - Day 4
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: Caution, User Dave. I detect a zombie with a shovel.

Crazy Dave: Can he dig it?

Penny: It appears to block incoming shots. we need a way to get projectiles over the shovel.

Crazy Dave: I know! TELEKINESIS!

Penny: Try again, User Dave.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Lost City - Day 15
(After beating the level)

(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Well lookie-here, Penny! It's a treasure map!

Penny: My analysis suggest that the origins of that map are highly suspect.

Crazy Dave: It has a big red X on it, Penny. When have red Xs been bad?

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Lost City - Day 16
(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Come here seeking adventure, have you?

Dr. Zomboss: Unfortunately for you, the Porter Gargantuars are about to ruin your day!

Dr. Zomboss: They carry imps. Imps! Prepare to become ancient history!

(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: I wish someone would carry me around in a tiny house!

Penny: I wish for a lot of things, Use Dave. That is not one of them.

(Crazy Dave, Penny and Dr. Zomboss leave)

Lost City - Day 17
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: Alert, User Dave! My sensors sense incoming Imp Porters.

Crazy Dave: Importers? Of fine goods and glassware?

Penny: Negative. They pitch tents on Gold Tiles, and the tents spawn zombies.

Crazy Dave: Imps with bad in TENTs!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Lost City - Day 20
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Look, Penny! A shiny doo-jickey-ma-thing!

Penny: My sensors indicate this amulet points to a long-lost challenge.

Crazy Dave: Let's do some deft discovering!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Lost City - Day 22
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: Beware, User Dave! I detect trap tiles.

Penny: They are triggered by zombies, or when you plant on them

Crazy Dave: And then they give you taco?

Penny: If you equate tacos with jets of flame and huge boulders, then yes.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Lost City - Day 32
(introduction dialogue)

(Dr. Zomboss appear)

Dr. Zomboss: Do not think to usurp our discovery of fabled Lost City!

Dr. Zomboss: I and my zombies have already submitted our find to the Eminent Journal of the Missing and the Mislaid!

Dr. Zomboss: We will publish and you will PERISH!

(Dr. Zomboss leaves)

(after defeating Dr. Zomboss and receiving the Lost City Trophy)

(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: All that discovering and still no taco!

Penny: The search will no doubt continue, User Dave.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: My discovery remains intact. The taco is still unfound. And your brains will be certainly one day be mine!

(Dr. Zomboss leaves)

Temple of Bloom
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Hi neighbor! Welcome to the Lost Temple!

Crazy Dave: Here you'll find that gold is good but brings out more zombies!

(Crazy Dave leaves)

Neon Mixtape Tour - Day 1
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Flashback! I remember this decor from when I chased squirbos as a kid!

Penny: Indeed, User Dave. We appeared to have arrived in the midst of a Neon Mixtape Tour.

Penny: I suspect the musical tempo may affect the zombies' speeds.

Crazy Dave: I'm feeding the rhythm, I'M FEEDING THE RHYTHM!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Neon Mixtape Tour - Day 3
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: I got a real Cactus feeling about this, Penny!

Penny: Indeed, Cactus has changed over time, User Dave.

Penny: Now she fires a thorn for ranged damage, but hides for ground damage when zombies approach.

Crazy Dave: That's so Cactus... always varying her attack and defensive profiles!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Neon Mixtape Tour - Day 20
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Mmm! Penny, do you smell something scrum-dicious?

Penny: No, User Dave. Only Breakdancer Zombie.

Crazy Dave: Maybe they're garlic-flavored!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Neon Mixtape Tour - Day 17
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Mmm! Penny, do you smell something scrum-dicious?

Penny: No, User Dave. Only Breakdancer Zombie.

Crazy Dave: Maybe they're garlic-flavored!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Neon Mixtape Tour - Day 20
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Penny! Penny! Penny! A microphone!

Crazy Dave: Karaoke time! At last my tangerine dreams will come true!

Penny: Caution, User Dave. This dropped mic promises a banned battle of heavy petal proportions!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Neon Mixtape Tour - Day 26
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Say, Penny, do you think Intensive Carrots can be used to revive defeated plants?

Penny: That's... that's exactly correct, User Dave.

Penny: Sorry. It just confuses me when pay attention.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Neon Mixtape Tour - Day 32
(introduction dialogue)

(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Hmmmm... you're in danger above. You're a fool; and so knew I!

Dr. Zomboss: Hear me now: Ever shall you give up; ever shall you be down; always you'll ruun aground, I'll revert you.

Dr. Zomboss: I intend to make you cry: I mean for you to say goodbye: I'm not really that nice a guy - I alert you!

(Dr. Zomboss leaves)

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Ouch!

(Crazy Dave leaves)

(after defeating Dr. Zomboss and receiving the Neon Mixtape Tour Trophy)

(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: Yarbs! That was close... with so many exciting timing rhythm changes!

Penny: I fear we have only hit pause on Dr. Zomboss's heinous deal.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Indeed, next verse, same and yet worse! I go now to when you cannot imagine!

(Dr. Zomboss leaves)

Greatest Hits
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Howdy, neighbor! Welcome to the GREATEST HITS!

Crazy Dave: I hope you're ready for a righteously up-tempo experience!

(Crazy Dave leaves)

Jurassic Marsh - Day 1
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: Alert, User Dave. My sensors indicate we have moved 153,954,765 years into the past.

Crazy Dave: Yabbers! That's before I was even born!

Penny: Correct. We seem to have landed in some form of Jurassic Marsh.

Crazy Dave: I knew I smelled more oxygen!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Jurassic Marsh - Day 2
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Penny: This epoch is known for its unusual lifeforms, User Dave.

Crazy Dave: I know! Gymnosperms, right?

Penny: I was thinking more in terms of saurians, User Dave. Dinosaurs.

Penny: They won't attack us directly and we can't affect them.

Penny: However, they will definitely react to zombies. Be wary!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Jurassic Marsh - Day 6
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: I can feel the ground a-trembling, Penny! More dinos?

Penny: Indeed, User Dave. A herd of stegosaurs approaches.

Penny: My sensors indicate they will snare zombies with their tail, and then flick them off.

Crazy Dave: That's what I would do!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Jurassic Marsh - Day 9
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Penny! I just remembered how much I love silent letters!

(Penny appears)

Penny: Coincidentally, User Dave, a flock of Pterodactyls is approaching.

Crazy Dave: Pterodactyls? That's ptotally pterrific!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Jurassic Marsh - Day 16
(Dr. Zomboss appears)

Dr. Zomboss: Surrender your brains forthwith, inane time stumblers!

Dr. Zomboss: Else you shall share the fate of these terrible thunder lizards: EXTINCTION!

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: But I don't want to get extincted!

(Crazy Dave and Dr. Zomboss leave)

Second Summer Night Piñata Party
(Penny appears)

Penny: Tap the Strawburst to fire.

Penny: Strawburst's berry grows over time.

(Penny leaves)

Lawn of Doom 2015 Pinata Party
(Penny appears)

Penny: Tap Jack O' Lantern for a burst of flame.

Penny: Tap and HOLD for an extended burst that does increasing damage!

(Penny leaves)

Pre-1.7
These dialogues were available only before the release of the 1.7 update.

Ancient Egypt - Day 11 (pre-1.7)
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Whoa... this world goes to eleven! That's crazy!

(Crazy Dave leaves)

Ancient Egypt - Save Our Seeds - II
(Penny appears)

Penny: My sensors have detected plants in danger.

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Who will save the plants? WHO?!??

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Ancient Egypt - Save Our Seeds - III
(Penny appears)

Penny: There's too many tombs. Let's clear them out.

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave (Surprised): I'm hyperventilating I'm so excited right now.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Ancient Egypt - Locked and Loaded - II
(Penny appears)

Penny: Can't we build a modern fence to stop these ancient zombies?

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Who needs fences when you have offense?

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Ancient Egypt - Locked and Loaded - III
(Penny appears)

Penny: The family that pults together...

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Are friends indeed.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Ancient Egypt - Last Stand - II
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Is this Last Stand?

(Penny appears)

Penny: No, it's First Sit.

Penny: That's sarcasm.

Crazy Dave: I love sitting, but now is not the time! Let's get crazy.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Mummy Memory - I
(Penny appears)

Penny: There's a brand new symbol to match. It's a bucket.

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Let's kick it.

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Mummy Memory - II
(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: Match the symbols and win a prize!

(Penny appears)

Penny: What's the prize?

Crazy Dave: I don't know. I'm Crazy!

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Mummy Memory - III
(Penny appears)

Penny: What's the new symbol?

(Crazy Dave appears)

Crazy Dave: I don't know. Feelin' lucky?

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)

Chinese version
Most of the dialogue in the Chinese version are translated versions of the international version's dialogue. The other dialogues in the Chinese version is in the Chinese level pages.

Kung-Fu World - Day 3
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)

Crazy Dave: Look! There's a Gourd! Is there any wine inside?

(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)