Board Thread:Fun and games/@comment-9944069-20170609214029/@comment-29936716-20170618133246

{{Block |performer= But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could onl be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. {Laughing} Like that's ever gonna happen. {Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes} What a load of - Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead The years start comin' and they don't stop comin' Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin' Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do so much to see So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow Hey, now You're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now but wait till you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire How 'bout yours That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored Hey, now, you're an all-star {Shouting} Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold {Belches} Go! Go! {Record Scratching} Go. Go.Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold -Think it's in there? -All right. Let's get it! -Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? -Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. {Laughs} -Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint. Now, ogres - - They're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. -No! -They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. -Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! {Gasping} -Right. {Roaring} {Shouting} {Roaring} {Whispers} This is the part where you run away. {Gasping} {Laughs} {Laughing} And stay out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." {Sighs} {Man's voice} All right. This one's full. -Take it away! {Gasps} -Move it along. Come on! Get up! -Next! -Give me that! Your fiying days are over. That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! -Get up! Come on! -Twenty pieces. {Thudding} -Sit down there! -Keep quiet! {Crying} -This cage is too small. -Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! -Oh, shut up. -Oh! -Next! -What have you got? -This little wooden puppet. -I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. -Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. -Father, please! Don't let them do this! -Help me! -Next! What have you got? -Well, I've got a talking donkey. {Grunts} -Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. -Oh, go ahead, little fella. -Well? -Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - - -That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! -No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. -Get her out of my sight. -No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! {Gasps} -Hey! I can fly! -He can fly! -He can fly! -He can talk! -Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Oh-oh. {Grunts} -Seize him! -After him! He's getting away! {Grunts, Gasps} {Man} -Get him! This way! Turn! -You there. Orge! -Aye? -By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility. -Oh, really? You and what army? {Gasps, Whimpering} {Chuckles} -Can I say something to you? -Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa! -Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. -Oh, that's great. Really. -Man, it's good to be free. -Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? -But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. {Roaring} -Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - - {Mumbling} Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day. -Why are you following me? -I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone There's no one here beside me My promlems have all gone There's no one to deride me But you gotta heve friends - - -Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends. -Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. -Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? -Uh - - Really tall? -No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? -Nope. -Really? -Really, really. -Oh. -Man, I like you. What's you name? -Uh, Shrek. -Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that? -That would be my home. -Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. -I guess you don't entertain much, do you? -I like my privacy. -You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. -Can I stay with you? -Uh, what? -Can I stay with you, please? -Of course! -Really? -No. -Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! -Okay! Okay! But one night only. -Ah! Thank you! -What are you - - No! No! -This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. -Oh! -Where do, uh, I sleep? -Outside! -Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. {Sniffles} -Here I go. -Good night. {Sighs} -I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. I'm all alone There's no one here beside me {Bubbling} {Sighs} {Creaking} {Sighs} -I thought I told you to stay outside. -I'm outside. {Clattering} -Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? -It's not home, but it'll do just fune. -What a lovely bed. -Got ya. {Sniffs} I found some cheese. -Ow! {Grunts} -Blah! Awful stuff. -Is that you, Gorder? -How did you know? -Enough! What are you doing in my house? {Grunts} -Hey! {Snickers} -Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. -Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. -Huh? {Gusps} {Male voice} What? -I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I have to do get a little privacy? -Aah! -Oh, no. No! No! {Cackling} -What? -Quit it. -Don't push. {Squeaking} {Lows} - What are you doing in my swamp? {Echoing} Swamp! Swamp! Swamp! {Gasping} -Oh, dear! -Whoa! -All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! -Quickly. Come on! -No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. -Oh! {Sighs} -Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. -Oh, gosh, no one invited us. -What? -We were forced to come here. -By who? -Lord Farquaad. -He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice. {Sighs} -All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? {Murmuring} -Oh, I do. I know where he is. -Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? -Me! Me! -Anyone? -Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! {Sighs} -Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! {Cheering} {Twittering} -Oh! You! You're comin' with me. - All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! -On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. -Hey. Oh, oh! -I can't wait to get on the road again. -What did I say about singing? -Can I whistle? -No. -Can I hum it? -All right, hum it. {Humming} {Grunts} {Whimpering} -That's enough. He's ready to talk. {Coughing} {Laughing} {Clears throat} -Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man! -You are a monster. -I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others? -Eat me!{Grunts} -I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll - - -No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. -All right then. Who's hiding them? -Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? -The muffin man? -The muffin man. -Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? -Well, she's married to the muffin man. -The muffin man? -The muffin man! -She's married to the muffin man. {Door opens} -My lord! We found it. -Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. {Man grunting} {Gasping} -Oh! -Magic mirror - - -Don't tell him anything! -No! {Ginerbread man whispers} -Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? -Well, technically you're not a king. -Uh, Thelonius. -You were saying? -What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess. -Go on. {Chuckles} -So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. -Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! -And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! -So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? -Two! Two! -Three! Three! -Two! Two! -Three! -Three? One? {Shudders} Three? --Three! Pick number three, my lord! -Okay, okay, uh, number three! -Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. If you like pina coladas And getting caught in the rain -Princess Fiona. If you're not into yoga -She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - - -But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. -I'll do it. -Yes, but after sunset - - -Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. -But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it. -So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. -Uh-huh. That's the place. -Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? {Laughs} {Groans} -Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. -Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. -Hey, you! {Screams} -Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - {Whimpering} {Sighs} {Whimpering, Groans} {Turnstile clatters} {Chuckles} {Sighs} -It's quiet. Too quiet. {Creaking} -Where is everybody? -Hey, look at this! {Clattering, whirring, clicking} Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along fine DuLoc is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face DuLoc is, DuLoc is DuLoc is perfect ...... place {Camera shutter clicks {Whirring} -Wow! Let's do that again! -No. No. No, no, no! No. {Trumpet fanfare} {Crowd cheering} -Brave knights. -You are the best and brightest in all the land. -Today one of you shall prove himself - - -All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. -Sorry about that. {Cheering} -That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. {Cheering} -Let the tournament begin! {Gasps} -Oh! -What is that? {Gasping} -It's hideous! -Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. -Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named champion! Have it him! -Get him! -Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. -Go ahead! Get him! -Can't we just settle this over a pint? -Kill the beast! -No? All right then. Come on! I don't give a damn about my reputation You're living in the past It's a new generation -Damn! {Whinnying} A girl can do what she wants to do And that's what I'm gonna do And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me -Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Never said I wanted to improve my station -Ah! {Laughs} And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun -Yeah! And I don't have to please no one -The chair! Give him the chair! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me {Bell dings} {Cheering} {Laughs} -Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! {Shrek laughs} {Crowd gasping, murmuring} -Shall I give the order, sir? -No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! -What? -Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. -Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures! {Crowd murmuring} -Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. -Exactly the way it was? -Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. -And the squatters? -As good as gone. -What kind of quest? -Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. -Is that about right? -Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. -I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole orge trip. -Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? -Uh, no, not really, no. -For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think. -Example? -Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions. -{Sniffs} They stink? -Yes - - No! -They make you cry? -No! -You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. -No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. {Sighs} -Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. -I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes. -You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like  no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. -No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later. -Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. -You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh And everything that you receive up yonder Is what you give to me the day I wander I'm on my way I'm on my way I'm on my way -Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that? -You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's brimstone We must be getting close. -Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither. {Rumbling} -Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. {Laughing} -Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers? -Oh, aye. -Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. -Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what I mean. -You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. -I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling like of lava! -Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. -Really? -Really, really. -Okay, that makes me feel so much better. -Just keep moving. And don't look down. -Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. {Gasps} -Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please! -But you're already halfway. -But I know that half is safe! -Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. -Shrek, no! Wait! -Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me? -Don't do that! -Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh, this? -Yes, that! -Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. {Screams} -No, Shrek! No! Stop it! -You said do it! I'm doin' it. -I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh! -That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. -Cool. -So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? -Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. {Chuckles} -I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. {Water dripping, wind howling} -You afraid? -No. -But - - - Shh. -Oh, good. Me neither. {Gasps} -'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. {Gasps} -Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. -Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. -The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. -What makes you think she'll be there? -I read it in a book once. -Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. {Creacing} -I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it. -Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - - -Dragon! {Screams} {Gasps} {Roars} -Donkey, look out! {Screams} {Whimpering} -Got ya! {Roars} {Gasps} {Shouts} -Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! {Screaming} {Gasps} -Oh! Aah! Aah! {Gasping} {Crowls} -No. Oh, no, No! {Screams} -Oh, what large teeth you have. {Crowls} -I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - - (Coughs) -I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings. Shrek! {Gasps} {Whimpering} -No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! {Groans, Sighs} {Vocalizing} -Oh! Oh! -Wake up! -What? -Are you Princess Fiona? -I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. -Oh, that's nice. Now let's go! -But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? -Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. -Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. -You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? -Mm-hmm. {Screams, grunts} -But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! -I don't think so. -Can I at least know the name of my champion? -Um, Shrek. -Sir Shrek. {Cleans throat} -I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. -Thanks! {Roaring} -You didn't slay the dragon? -It's on my to-do list. Now come on! {Screams} -But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did. -Yeah, right before they burst into flame.-That's not the point. Oh! -Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there. -Well, I have to save my ass. -What kind of knight are you? -One of a kind. -Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned. {Laughs} -I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh! {Growls} {Roaring} {Gasps} -Hi, Princess! -It talks! -Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. {Screams} {Screaming} -Oh! {Thuds} {Groans} {Roars} {Roaring} -Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. {Fchoing} -Run! {Gasping} {Screaming} {Roaring} {Screams} {Roars} {Panting, sighs} {Whimpers} {Roars} -You did it! -You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful. You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. {Clears throat} -And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? -I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. -The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. -Uh, no. -Why not? -I have helmet hair. -Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. -No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st. -But how will you kiss me? -What? That wasn't in the job description. -Maybe it's a perk. -No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. -Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you true love? -Well, yes. {Laughing} -You think Shrek is your true love! -What is so funny? -Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay? -Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your helmet. -Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. -Just take off the helmet. -I'm not going to. -Take ot off. -No! -Now! -Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. -You- - You're a- - an orge. -Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. -Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an orge. {Sighs} -Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who wants to marry you. -Then why didn't he come rescue me? -Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. -But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- - his pet. -So much for noble steed. -You're not making my job any easier. -I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. -Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy. -You wouldn't dare. Put me down! -Ya comin', Donkey? -I'm right behind ya. -Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! -Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? -You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what happens when you find your - - Hey! {Sighs} -The sooner we get to DuLoc the better. -You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! -And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? -Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. {Laughs} -I don't know. There are those who think little of him. -Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. -Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. -Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp? -No, that'll take longer. We can keep going. -But there's robbers in the woods. -Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good. -Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. -I need to find somewhere to camp now! {Birds wings fluttering} {Grunting} -Hey! Over here. -Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess. -No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. -Homey touches? Like what? {Crashing} -A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. -You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. -I said good night! -Shrek, What are you doing? {Laughs} -I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding. {Fire cracking} -And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over three wheat fields. Right. Yeah. -Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? -The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. -I know you're making this up. -No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. -That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. -You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it. {Sighs} -Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? -Our swamp? -You know, when we're through rescuing the princess. -We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my land. -You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. -No, do ya think? -Are you hidin' something? -Never mind, Donkey. -Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? -No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things. -Why don't you want to talk about it? -Why do you want to talk about it? -Why are you blocking? -I'm not blocking. -Oh, yes, you are. -Donkey, I'm warning you. -Who you trying to keep out? -Everyone! Okay? -Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere. -Oh! For the love of Pete! -What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway? -Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go. "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone. -You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly orge. -Yeah, I know. -So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? -Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying. -Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there? -That's the moon. -Oh, okay. {Orchestra} {Dulcimer} -Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. -Hmph. -Ah. Perfect. {Inhales} {Snoring} {Vocalizing} {Whistling} {Sizzling} {Sniffs, yawns} -Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. --Come on, baby. I said I like it. -Donkey, wake up. -Huh? What? -Wake up. -What? -Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs? -Good morning, Princess! -What's all this about? -You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. -Uh, thanks. {Sniffs} -Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. {Belches} -Shrek! -What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs} -Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess. {Belches} -Thanks. -She's as nasty as you are. -{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected. -Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. {Vocalizing} -La liberte! Hey! -Princess! {Laughs} -What are you doing? -Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from this green - - {Kissing sounds} -beast. -Hey! -That's my princess! Go find you own! -Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? -Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are! -Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry Men. {Laughs} {Accordion} Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo. I steal from the rich and give to the needy. He takes a wee percentage, But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels Man, I'm good What a guy, Monsieur Hood Break it down I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid What he's basically saying is he likes to get - - Paid So When an orge in the bush grabs a lady by the tush That's bad That's bad When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad He's mad He's really, really mad I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart Keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start {Grunts, Groans} {Karate Yell} {Merry Men Gasping} {Panting} -Man, that was annoying! -Oh, you little- - {Karate Yell} {Accordion} {Shouting, groaning} {Chuckles} -Uh, shall we? -Hold the phone. {Grunts} Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from? -What? -That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that? -Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt! -What? Oh, would you look at that? -Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. -Why? What's wrong? -Shrek's hurt. -Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die. -Donkey, I'm okay. -You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich? -Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. -Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! -{Both} Donkey! -Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. -What are the flowers for? -For getting rid of Donkey. -Ah. -Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out. -Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'. -I'm sorry, but it has to come out. -No, it's tender. -Now, hold on. -What you're doing is the opposite of help. -Don't move. -Look, time out. -Would you - - {Grunts} -Okay. What do you propose we do? -Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns. -Ow! -Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! -Ow! Not good. -Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. {Grunts} -It's just about - - -Ow! Ohh! -Ahem. -Nothing happend. We were just, uh - - -Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay? -Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just- - Ugh! -Ow! -Hey, what's that? {Nervous chickle} -That's- - Is that blood? {Sighs} {Bird chirping} {Grunts} My beloved monster and me We go everywhere together Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves Gets us through all kinds of weather -Aah! She will always be the only thing That comes between me and the awful sting That comes from living in a world that's so damn mean {Croaks} Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh -Hey! La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la {Both laughing} La-la, la-la, la-la -There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. -That's DuLoc? -Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really - - Ow! -Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on. -Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey. {Blubbering} -What? -I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. -What are you talking about? I'm fine. -That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. Dead. -You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? -Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea. -I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look, {Bones crunch} -Ow! See? -Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. -I'll get the firewood. -Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug. -Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this? -Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style. -No kidding. Well, this is delicious. -Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. {Chuckling} {Sighs} -I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. {Gulps} -Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it. {Chuckles} -I'd like that. {Slurps, laughs} See the pyramids along the Nile -Um, Princess? Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle -Yes, Shrek? -I, um, I was wondering. Just remember, darling all the while -Are you- - You belong to me {Sighs} -Are you gonna eat that? {Chuckles} -Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. -Sunset? -Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late. -What? -Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? -Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside. -Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until - - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. {Shrek sighs} -Good night. -Good night. {Door creaks} -Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here. -Oh, what are you talkin' about? -I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. -You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. -Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel. -I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a princess, and I'm - - -An orge? -Yeah. An orge. -Hey, where you goin'? -To get... move firewood. {Sighs} -Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? {Wings fluttering} -Princess? {Creaking} {Gasps} -It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. {Screams} -Aah! -Oh, no! -No, help! -Shh! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -No, it's okay. It's okay. -What did you do with the princess? -Donkey, I'm the princess. -Aah! -It's me, in this body. -Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me? -Donkey! -Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! -No! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -Shh. -Shrek! -This is me. {Muffled mumbling} -Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different. -I'm ugly, okay? -Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - - -No. -I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember. -What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. -It's only happens when sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form." -Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. -It's a spell. {Sighs} -When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this. {Sobs} -All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. -But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look. -Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? -I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. -But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you got a lot in common. -Shrek? -Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh - - {Sighs} -I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. -I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. {Gasps} -My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. {Deep sigh} -Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. -You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. -No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. -What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? -Promise you won't tell. Promise! -All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. -Look at my eye twitchin'. {Door opens} {Snoring} -I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. -Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - - {Snoring} -Shrek. Are you all right? -Perfect! Never been better. -I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you. -You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night. -You heard what I said? -Every word. -I thought you'd understand. -Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" -But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. -Yeah? Well, it does. {Gasps, sighs} -Ah, right on time. {Horse whinnies} -Princess, I've brought you a little something. {Fanfare} {Yawns} -What'd I miss? What'd I miss? {Muffled} -Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey. -Princess Fiona. -As promised. Now hand it over. -Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. -Take it and go before I change my mind. -Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad. -Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. {Snaps fingers} -Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell. -Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the orge. It's not like it has feelings. -No, you're right. It doesn't. -Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage. {Gasps} -Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? -Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - - -Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! -No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets. -Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests! -Fare-thee-well, orge. -Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. -Yeah? So what? -Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night, She's - - -I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? -Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you. -I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! -But I thought - - -Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong! -Shrek. I heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord But you don't really care for music, do ya It goes like this the fourth, the fifth The minor fall the major lift The baffled king composing hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah Baby, I've been here before I know this room I've walked this floor I used to live alone before I knew you I've seen your flag on the marble arch But love is not a victory march It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah And all I ever learned from love Is how to shoot at someone Who outdrew you {Moaning} And it's not a cry you can hear at night It's not somebody who's seen the light It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah {Moaning} Hallelujah, hallelujah {Thumping sound} -Donkey? {Grunts} -What are you doing? -I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. -Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. -It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half. -Oh! Your half. Hmm. -Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. -Back off! -No, you back off. -This is my swamp! -Our swamp. -Let go, Donkey! -You let go. -Stubborn jackass! -Smelly orge. -Fine! -Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. -Well, I'm through with you. -Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. -Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? -Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! -Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in the back! -Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings. -Go away! -There you are, doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. -Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking. -She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else. -She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about? -Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right? -Donkey! -No! -Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? {Sighs} -I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you forgive me? -Hey, that's what friends are for, right? -Right. Friends? -Friends. -So, um, what did Fiona say about me? -What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? -The wedding! We'll never make it in time. -Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I have a way. {Whistles} -Donkey? -I guess it's just my animal magnetism. {Laughing} -Aw, come here, you. -All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. -Whoo! {Bells tolling} {All gasping} -People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union.... -Um- -of our new king - - -Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? {Chuckling} -Go on. -Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you? -What are you talking about? -There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!" -I don't have time for this! -Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? -Yes. -You wanna hold her? -Yes. -Please her? -Yes! -Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that romantic crap! -All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? -We gotta check it out. -And so, by the power vested in me, -What do you see? -The whole town's in there. -I now pronounce you husband and wife, -They're at the altar. -king and queen. -Mother Fletcher! He already said it. -Oh, for the love of Pete! {Grunts} -I object! -Shrek? {Gasps} -Oh, now what does he want? -Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all. Very clean. -What are you doing here? -Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding - - -Fiona! I need to talk to you. -Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me - - -But you can't marry him. -And why not? -Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king. -Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. -He's not your true love. -And what do you know about true love? -Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - - -Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. {Crowd laughting} -An orge and a princess! -Shrek, is this true? -Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm! -"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before. {Whimpers} {Crown gasping} -Well, uh, that explains a lot. -Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both! -No, no! -Shrek! -This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See? -No, let go of me! Shrek! -No! -Don't just stand there, you morons. -Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh! -I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! -You'll beg for death to save you! -No, Shrek! -And as for you, my wife, -Fiona! -I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! -I'm king! {Whistles} -I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah! -Aah! -All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. {Roars} -I'm a donkey on the edge! {Belches} -Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? {Cheering} -Go ahead, Shrek. -Uh, Fiona? -Yes, Shrek? -I - - I love you. -Really? -Really, really. - I love you too. -Aawww! -"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form." -"Take love's true form. Take love's true form." -Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right? -Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. -But you ARE beautiful. {Chuckles} -I was hoping this would be a happy ending. I thought love was only true in fairy tales Oy! Meant for someone else but not for me Love was out to get me That's the way it seemed Disappointment haunted all my dreams And then I saw her face Now I'm a believer and not a trace Of doubt in my mind I'm in love Ooh-aah I'm a believer I couldn't leave her If I tried -God bless us, every one. Come on, y'all! Then I saw her face Ha-ha Now I'm a believer Listen! Not a trace Of doubt in my mind I'm in love Ooh-aah I'm a believer I couldn't leave her if I tried -Ooh! -Uh! Then I saw her face Now I'm a believer Hey! Not a trace Uhh! Yeah. Of doubt in my mind -One more time! I'm in love I'm a believer Come on! I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey Y'all sing it with me! I Believe I believe People in the back! I believe I'm a believer I believe I believe I believe I believe {Hysterical laughing} -Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. -I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I believe in self-assertion Destiny or a slight diversion Now it seems I've got my head on straight I'm a freak an apparition Seems I've made the right decision To try to turn back now it might be too late Now I want to stay home today Don't wanna go out If anyone comes to play Gonna get thrown out I wanna stay home today Don't want no company No way Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna be a millionaire someday But know what it feels like to give it away Watch me march to the beat of my own drum And it's off to the moon and then back again Same old day Same situation My happiness rears back as if to say I wanna stay home today Don't wanna go out If anyone comes to play Gonna get thrown out I wanna stay home today Don't want no company No way Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home......... I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes My heart skips a beat Girl, I feel so alive Please tell me, baby, if all this is true 'Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you Oh-oh-oh Makes me wanna dance Oh-oh-oh It's a new romance Oh-oh-oh I look into your eyes Oh-oh-oh The best years of our lives When we first met I could hardly believe The things that would happen and we could achieve So let's be together for all of our time Oh, girl, I'm so thankful that you are still mine You always consider me like an ugly duckling And treat me like a Nostradamus was why I had to get my shine on I break a little something to keep my mind on 'Cause you had my mind gone Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh Turn the lights on, Come on, baby Let's just rewind the song 'Cause all I want to do is make the rest years the best years All night long Oh-oh-oh Makes me wanna dance Makes me wanna dance Oh-oh-oh It's a new romance It's a new romance Oh-oh-oh I look into your eyes Oh, yeah, yeah I look into your eyes Oh-oh-oh The best years of our lives Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.............. Everything looks bright Standing in your light Everything feels right What's left is out of sight What's a girl to do I'm telling you You're on my mind I wanna be with you 'Cause when you're standin' next to me It's like wow And all your kisses seem to set me free It's like wow And when we touch it's such a rush I can't get enough It's like- - It's like Ooh-ooh Hey, what It's like wow Ooh-ooh, hey Hey, yeah It's like wow Everything is looking right now, right now It's like wow And I got this feeling This feeling it's just like wow It's just like wow You are all I'm thinking of. Like wow Everything feels right Everything feels right Like wow Everything looks bright All my senses are right Like wow Everything feels right Baby, baby, baby the way I'm feeling you Is like wow There is something that I see In the way you look at me There's a smile There's a truth In your eyes What an unexpected way On this unexpected day Could it be This is where I belong It is you I have loved All long There's no more mystery It is finally clear to me You're the home my heart's searched for So long It is you I have loved All long Whoa, over and over I'm filled with emotion As I look Into your perfect face|banned=According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that. |exptime= I got it! I got it! I got it! Dinghy ahoy. Dinghy off the port bow. - Dinghy off the port bow! - Dinghy off the port bow! Dinghy off the port bow. - Captain, dinghy off the... - Dinghy. I got it! I got it. Where is it? It's right here, captain. I never thought I'd see it with me own eye. Tickets to The SpongeBob Movie! ''Who lives in a pineapple Under the sea?'' ''Absorbent and yellow And porous is he'' SpongeBob SquarePants ''If nautical nonsense Be something you wish'' SpongeBob SquarePants ''Then drop on the deck And flop like a fish'' ''SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants'' SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants ''SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants'' SpongeBob SquarePants ''SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants'' SpongeBob SquarePants ''The sea. So mysterious, so beautiful. So...'' ...wet. Our story begins in Bikini Bottom's popular undersea eatery The Krusty Krab restaurant, where... ''- Back up. Back up. - Hey. Wait a minute.'' ''- What is happening? - Please, settle down.'' We've got a situation in there I'd rather not discuss till me manager gets here. Look, there he is. Talk to me, Krabs. It started out as a simple order: A Krabby Patty with cheese. When the customer took a bite, no cheese! Get ahold of yourself, Eugene. I'm going in. Take it easy, friend. I'm the manager of this establishment. Everything's gonna be just fine. - I'm really scared here, man. - You got a name? - Phil. - You got a family, Phil? Come on, Phil, stay with me. Let's hear about that family. I got a wife and two beautiful children. That's what it's all about. I want you to do me a favor, Phil. What? Say cheese. Order up. Three cheers for the manager! ''Hip! Hip!'' ''Hip! Hip!'' ''Hip! Hip!'' Hooray! Gary, I had that dream again. And it's finally gonna come true. Today. Sorry about this, calendar. Because today is the grand-opening ceremony for The Krusty Krab where Mr. Krabs will announce the new manager. Who's it gonna be, Gary? Well, let's ask my wall of    consecutive employee-of-the-month awards. SpongeBob SquarePants. I'm ready. Promotion. Cleanliness is next to manager-liness. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. SpongeBob! What are you doing in here? I have to tell you something, Squidward. Whatever it is, can't it wait until we get to work? - There's no shower at work. - What do you want? I just wanted to say I'll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today. Get out! Okay. I'll see you at the ceremony. That sounds like the manager of the new Krusty Krab. Oops. Hold on. - Congratulations, buddy. - Oh, thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party till we're purple. I love being purple! We're going to the place where all the action is. - You don't mean...? - Oh, I mean. Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat! ''Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah'' ''We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah'' I'd better get going. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. Good luck, SpongeBob. Hey, look for me at the ceremony. I got a little surprise for you. ''I'm a Goofy Goober Yeah'' Hello, Bikini Bottom! Perch Perkins here, coming to you live from in front of The Krusty Krab restaurant, for years the only place to get a delicious and mouthwatering Krabby Patty. Until today, that is. That's right, folks. Longtime owner Mr. Krabs is opening a new restaurant called The Krusty Krab. First of all, congratulations, Mr. Krabs. Hello. I like money. What inspired you to build a second Krusty Krab right next door to the original? Money. Curses! It's not fair. Krabs is being interviewed by Perch Perkins, and I've never even had one customer! ''Don't get worked up again, Plankton, I just mopped the floors.'' Oh, Karen, my computer wife, if only I could have managed to steal the secret to Krabs' success, the formula for the Krabby Patty. Then people would line up to eat at my restaurant. Lord knows I've tried. I've exhausted every evil plan in my filing cabinet... ...from A to Y. - A to Y? Yeah, A to Y. You know, the alphabet. What about Z? - Z? - Z. The letter after Y. W, X, Y, Z. Plan Z! ''- Here it is, just like you said. - Oh, boy.'' It's evil. It's diabolical. It's lemon-scented. This Plan Z can't possibly fail! So enjoy today, Mr. Krabs, because by tomorrow, I'll have the formula. Then everyone will eat at the Chum Bucket, and I will rule the world! All hail Plankton. All hail Plank...! I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. I think I stepped in something. Not in something, on someone, you twit. Sorry, Plankton. Are you on your way to the grand-opening ceremony? No, I am not on my way over to the grand-opening ceremony. I'm busy planning to rule the world! Well, good luck with that. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. Stupid kid. Welcome. Welcome, everyone, to the grand opening of The Krusty Krab. - We paid $ for this? - I paid. Now, before we begin with the ribbon-cutting, I'd like to announce the name of our new manager. Yay! Yeah! Yeah! Now we're talking! Yeah! Yes. Well, anyway... The new manager is a loyal, hard-working employee. Yes. The obvious choice for the job. He's right. A name you all know. It starts with an S. ''- That's me. - Please welcome our new manager...'' ...Squidward Tentacles. Yes! Yeah! Oh, better luck next time, buddy. Yeah! All right! People of Bikini Bottom, as the manager of... SpongeBob. Hold the phone, folks, I'm getting an important news flash from Mr. Krabs. Go ahead, Mr. K. I'm making a complete what of myself? The most embarrassing thing you've ever seen? And now it's worse because I'm repeating everything you say into the microphone? Oh, for crying out loud, SpongeBob, you didn't get the job. - What? - You did not get the job. But... But why? SpongeBob, you're a great fry cook, but I gave the job to Squidward because being manager is a big responsibility. Well, let's face it, he's more... ...mature than you. - I'm not... ...mature? Lad, I mean this in the nicest of ways, but there's a word for what you are, and that word is... Now, let's see... - Dork? - No, wait, that's not right. Not a dork. - A goofball? - Closer, but no, no, no. - A ding-a-ling. - Wing nut. A Knucklehead McSpazatron. Okay, that's enough. Look, what I'm trying to say is, you're just a kid. And to be a manager, you have to be a man. Otherwise they'd call it "kid-ager. " You understand-ager? I mean, you understand? I guess so, Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob? I'm ready. Depression. I'm ready. Depression. Poor kid. Hooray for SpongeBob! Hooray for SpongeBob! Let's hear it for SpongeBob! Hello? Where'd everybody go? Did I miss something? Did you see my butt? Later that evening... Time to put Plan Z into effect. Starting at the undersea castle of King Neptune. Oh, right. The royal court is now in session. Bring the prisoner forward. So you have confessed to the crime of touching the king's crown. - Yes, but... - But what? But it's my job, Your Highness. I'm the royal crown polisher. Well, then I guess I can't execute you. - Twenty years in the dungeon it is. - Daddy. You're free to go. Bless you, Princess Mindy. Mindy, how dare you defy me. Why do you have to be so mean? I am the king. I must enforce the laws of the sea. Father, I wish you'd try a little love and compassion instead of these harsh punishments. That would be nice. Squire, clear the room. I wish to speak to my daughter alone. What is this, Mindy? - Your crown? - And what does this crown do? - Covers your bald spot. - It's not bald, it's thinning. This crown does much more than cover a slightly receding hairline. No, this crown entitles the one who wears it to be in charge of the sea. One day, you will wear this crown. I'm gonna be bald? Thinning! Anyway, the point is, you won't wear it until you learn how to rule with an iron fist. Like your father. Dad, your "crown"... What the...? My crown! Someone has stolen the royal crown! I got it. I got it. Hey, all you Goobers, it's time to say howdy to your favorite undersea peanut, Goofy Goober. Howdy, Goofy Goober! Hey, fellow Goofy Goobers. Time to sing. ''Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah'' ''We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah'' All right. Get it together, old boy. I know. I'll just stop thinking about it. Hey, you know, I actually feel a little better. I don't even remember why I was sad. Hey, it's the new Krusty Krab  manager. Wow, the pressure's already setting in. No, Pat, you don't understand. I didn't get the promotion. What? Why? Mr. Krabs thinks I'm a kid. - What? That's insane. - I know. Well, saying you're a kid, it's like saying I'm a kid. - Here's your Goober Meal, sir. - I'm supposed to get a toy with this. Thanks. I'm gonna head home, Pat. The celebration's off. - Are you sure? - Yeah. I'm not in a Goober mood. Okay, see you. And here's your Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, sir. Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, huh? I guess I could use one of those. Now you're talking. Hey, waiter, we need another one over here. There you go. Boy, Pat, that hit the spot. - I'm feeling better already. - Yeah. Waiter, let's get another round over here. Oh, Mr. Waiter. Two more, please. Waiter. Oh, waiter. Waiter. Waiter. - Waiter! - Why do I always get the nuts? All right, folks, this one goes out to my two bestest friends in the whole world: Patrick and this big peanut guy. It's a little ditty called... ..."Waiter!" Hey. Hey, get up. Hey, come on, buddy. I wanna go home. Come on, pal. Oh, my head. Listen to me. It's  in the morning. Go scrape up your friend and get going. My friend? Patrick. Hey, what's up, buddy? Wait, you said :. I'm late for work. Mr. Krabs is gonna be... Mr. Krabs. Now, pay attention, Squidward. As new manager, you've gotta keep a sharp eye out for paying customers. Yawn. What's this? King Neptune is riding toward The Krusty Krab at lunchtime. He's got money. Stay in the coach, daughter. This won't take long. Daddy, please. I think you're overreacting. Silence, Mindy. I know what I'm doing. - Squire. - Yes, Your Highness. Have this pole executed at once. A hundred and one dollars for a Krabby Patty? With cheese, Mr. Squidward, with cheese. Greeting, subjects. I seek the one known as Eugene Krabs. May he present himself to me at once. I'm Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. Would you like to order something? Nay! I'm on to you, Krabs! You have stolen the royal crown, you cannot deny. For, clever as you are, you left one damning piece of evidence at the scene of the crime. "I stole your crown. Signed, Eugene Krabs. " Relinquish the royal crown to me at once. But... But this is crazy. I didn't do it. ''Ahoy, this is Eugene Krabs. Leave a message.'' ''Hi, Mr. Krabs. This is Clay, the guy you sold Neptune's crown to.'' ''Yeah, I just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown.'' ''Neptune's crown. I sold it to a guy in Shell City,'' ''and I just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown.'' Neptune's crown. ''Which is now in Shell City. Goodbye.'' Don't you just hate wrong numbers? My crown is in the forbidden Shell City?! Plan Z. I love Plan Z. Prepare to burn, Krabs. Wait, Neptune. Please, I'm begging you. I ain't a crook. Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me. Very well, then. Before I turn this conniving crustacean into fishmeal, who here has anything to say about Eugene Krabs? I've got something to say about Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob, me boy, you've come just in time. - Pardon me, miss. - Please, tell King Neptune all about me. I have worked for Mr. Krabs for many years and always thought he was a great boss. You see? A great boss. I now realize that he's a great big jerk! I deserve that manager's job! But you didn't give it to me, because you say I'm a kid. Well, I am   -percent man! And this man has got something to say to you. There. I think I made my point. Anyone else? No? Well, then. Me pants are on fire! Me underwear's on fire! I'm on fire! Oh, yeah. And now, Eugene Krabs, you will... Wait. I'm flattered you would do this on my account, but being manager isn't worth killing Mr. Krabs over. Quiet, fool! Mr. Krabs stole my crown, and now it's in Shell City. - That's why he must die. - Doesn't it seem a little harsh to kill someone over a crown? You don't understand. My crown is a symbol of my king-like authority. And between you and me... ...my hair is thinning a bit. Oh, Your Highness, I'm sure it's not that notice... Bald. Bald. - Bald! Bald! - Bald! Bald! My eyes! All right, all right. King Neptune, sir? Would you spare Mr. Krabs' life if I went to get your crown back? You, go to Shell City? No one who's gone to Shell City has ever returned. What makes you think you could? You're just a kid. But I'm not a kid. I can do it. Run along, I have a crab to cook. No! I won't let you. Very well, then. I'll have to fry you both. Daddy, stop it. Can't you get through one day without executing someone? Mindy. I told you to stay in the carriage. Where's your love and compassion? Look at this little guy. He's willing to risk his life to find your crown and save his boss. - But, daughter, I... - Please, Father? At least let him try. What have you got to lose? Might I remind you of your special problem? - Bald! Bald! Bald! - Bald! - Bald! Bald! - My eyes! All right. Very well, Mindy. I'll give him a chance. But when your little champion fails to return, I get to splatter this crab all over the walls. And as for you, be back here with my crown in exactly ten days. - He can do it in nine. - Eight. - Seven. - Six. - Patrick! - Patrick! Six it is, then. - Five. - Patrick, shush. Until then, the crab shall remain frozen where he now stands. No, wait. I'm begging you. Who turned on the AC? Mr. Krabs! Oh, no, this is terrible. Who's gonna sign my paycheck? Come along, Mindy. Listen, you guys, the road to Shell City is really dangerous. There's crooks, killers and monsters everywhere. And what's worse, there's a giant Cyclops who guards the outskirts of the city and preys on innocent sea creatures. Don't let him catch you, because if he does, he'll take you back to his lair, and you'll never be seen again. She's purty, SpongeBob. Here, take this. What's in here? It's a magical bag of winds. - I stole them from my father. - You're hot. Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds and you'll be blown back home. - Mindy! - I'm coming. - Good luck, SpongeBob. - Wait. How did you know my name? Oh, I'm gonna be queen of the sea one day. I've learned the names of all the sea creatures. What's my name? That's easy. You're Patrick Star. - Mindy! - I gotta go. I believe in you guys. Thanks, Mindy. Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. Patrick, Squidward and I... Pass. - Patrick and I... - Hi. ...are gonna get that crown back and save you from Neptune's wrath. You've got nothing to worry about. Your life is in our hands. Patrick, let's go get that crown. - Feast your eyes, Patrick. - What is it? The Patty Wagon. Mr. Krabs uses it for promotional reasons. Let me show you some of its features. Sesame-seed finish, steel-belted pickles, grilled-leather interior. And under the hood, a fuel-injected french-fryer with dual overhead grease traps. - Wow. - Yeah, wow. Hey, I thought you didn't have a driver's license. You don't need a license to drive a sandwich. - Shell City, here we come! - Shell City, here we come! Ding-a-ling. Hey there, old buddy. Freeze. One secret formula to go, please. No, no, don't trouble yourself. I'll get it. Well, I'd like to hang around, but I've got Krabby Patties to make... ...over at the Chum Bucket. Plan Z, I love you. ''Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah'' ''We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah'' Fill her up, please. What'll it be, fellas, mustard or ketchup? Are they laughing at us? No, Patrick, they're laughing next to us. Where you two dumb kids headed, anyway? - Kids? - Now, Patrick. For your information, we are not kids, we are men. And we're off to get King Neptune's crown in Shell City. - Shell City? - Shell City? Ain't that the place that's guarded by a killer Cyclops? That's right. Lloyd, take off your hat in respect. Respect for the dead! You two dipsticks ain't gonna last ten seconds over the county line. Oh, yeah? We'll see about that. Out of the car, fellas. How many seconds was that? Twelve. - In your face. - In your face. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. Who's the kid now? They're dead. Perch Perkins here with an incredible news flash. Plankton is selling Krabby Patties at the Chum Bucket. How is this possible? Let's find out. Step right up. Plenty for everybody. ''Excuse me, Plankton. Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom News.'' - Can I get a minute? - Anything for you, Perch. All of Bikini Bottom wants to know, how did you get the Krabby Patty? Well, Perch, before my dear friend Eugene Krabs was frozen by King Neptune... I'm sorry. He confided in me a secret wish. "Sell the Krabby Patty in my absence at the Chum Bucket," he said. "Don't let the flame die out. " By the way, act now and you get a free Chum Bucket bucket helmet with every purchase. Here you go, Perch. - Thanks. - Bucket helmets for everyone! My helmet! Karen, baby, I haven't felt this giddy since the day you agreed to be my wife. I never agreed. Evil Plan Z is working perfectly. Nothing can stop me now. ''Nothing except SpongeBob and his pink friend.'' ''My sensors indicate that they're going after the crown.'' ''If they make it back, Neptune might discover some fingerprints.'' Tiny fingerprints. Stubby, tiny fingerprints. Evil Plan Z is way ahead of you, baby. I've already hired someone to take care of those two. He's a vicious, cold-blooded predator. Sesame seed. Hey, mister. Does that hat take ten gallons? - Going on. - Yeah. Yeah. - Moving on. - Just keep going. Yup. Gonna get that crown. Oh, yeah. - All right. - All right. Yeah. Victory. - Are we there yet? - We must be close by now. Patrick, look. We're doing great! Shell City's only five days away. By car. I wish we still had our car. SpongeBob, look. Our car! - The key. - Where do you think it is? There it is, Pat. The key! Now, how are we gonna get it? I know. Walk in and ask him for it. What are you looking at? - Patrick, that's a terrible idea. - Sorry. I know. I'll go in and create a distraction, and you get the key. Wait. I wanna do the distraction. Okay. I guess it really doesn't matter who does the distraction. You see me walking back...? Can I have everybody's attention? I have to use the bathroom. It's right over there. Stupid contacts. Oh, there it is. I better go wash it off. Patrick. You call that a distraction? Well, I had to go to the bathroom. Well, I got my hands dirty for nothing. Patrick, check it out. - Hooray! - Hooray! - Bubble party! - Bubble party! Hey! Who blew this bubble? You all know the rules! All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied patron in the bar. That's right! So who blew it? So nobody knows. - Maybe it was... - Shut up! Somebody in here ain't a real man. You! We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed them out. Now, everybody line up. DJ, time for the test. No baby can resist singing along to this. SpongeBob, it's the Goofy Goober theme song. I know. Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah ''We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah'' - It was you! You're the baby! - No, no! I only coughed, I swear. DJ! Turn it up louder! Don't sing along, Patrick. I'm trying. Trying so hard. I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah Well, well, well. Which one of you babies was it? - It was him. - It was him. - He did it. - He did it. I've never even eaten at... Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah Well, looks like we got ourselves a double baby. Man, that was a close call. Guess what I got. The key! Too bad SpongeBob's not here to enjoy SpongeBob not being here. Morning. Some people have no taste in headgear. Babies too? Excuse me, miss, but where is everybody getting that horrid headwear? Who said that? Down here. Well, I got it at the Chum Bucket. Plankton's giving them away free with every Krabby Patty. Chum Bucket? Free? Krabby Patty? Plankton? Giving? With? So you're selling Krabby Patties, Plankton? That's right, Squidward. And there's a free bucket helmet with every purchase. Care for one? No. You may have hoodwinked everyone else in this backwater town, but you can't fool me. I listen to public radio. - And what's that supposed to mean? - It means you set up Mr. Krabs. You stole the crown so Neptune would freeze him and you could finally get your stubby little paws on the Krabby Patty formula. It was you all along. But you made one fatal mistake. You messed with my paycheck. And I'm gonna report you to the highest authority in the land, King Neptune! We'll see about that, Inspector Looselips. ''Now activating helmet brain- control devices.'' What? All hail Plankton. ''- What's going on here? - All hail Plankton.'' Seize him, slaves! All hail Plankton. I'm getting out of here! All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. Who can stop me now? Who? - Come on, Pat, one more time. - Okay. We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed them out. "Weed them out. " What a jerk. The road's getting kind of bumpy here. You know, SpongeBob, there's a lesson to be learned from all of this. What's that, Patrick? A bubble-blowing double baby doesn't belong out here in man's country. Yeah. Wait. We blew that bubble. Doesn't that make us a bubble-blowing double baby? Hey, look, free ice cream! Oh, boy! How you doing? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. SpongeBob! Yeah? Make mine a chocolate! Got you covered. Two, please. Certainly. You kids enjoy. Actually, we're men, lady, but thanks. Okay, Patrick, let's... You can let go now. I said, let go, please. What is this? What kind of old lady are you? Did you get the ice cream? Step on it, Patrick! Hey! You may not know it, cowboy, but we got a rule around here about blowing bubbles. All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied... - In bar... - Bar... Come on, kiddies, have some ice cream. I'll let you pet Mr. Whiskers. Jump for it, Patrick! Well, we lost our car again. Never mind the car, where's the road? Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. R... Sorry. There's the road. On the other side of this... ...deep, dark... ...dangerous... - Hazardous. ... hazardous... Monster-infested. Yeah, monster-infested... ...trench. Hey, SpongeBob, look! Here's the way down. Well, we're not gonna get the crown standing here. On to Shell City. Hey, look, it's making noise. SpongeBob? - Hey, where are you going? - I'm going home, Patrick. But what about Mr. Krabs? What about us? We'll never survive in that trench! You said it yourself, this is man's country. And let's face it, Pat. We're just... ...kids. - We're not kids. Open your eyes, Patrick! We blow bubbles, we eat ice cream. We worship a dancing peanut, for corn's sake! We don't belong out here! We do not worship him. You've been wearing the same Goofy Goober Peanut Party underpants for three years straight. What do you call that? Worship? You're right, SpongeBob. We are kids. Pull your pants up, Patrick. - We're going home. - But you can't go home. Mindy! Mindy? - How much did you hear? - I heard enough. - Did you see my underwear? - No, Patrick. Did you want to? Look, guys, you may be kids, but you're the only ones left who can get that crown. What do you mean, the only ones left? Things have gotten a lot worse since you left Bikini Bottom. Or should I say Planktopolis. All hail Plankton. No resting! This monument celebrating my glory isn't gonna build itself. Move faster! Oh, my gosh! Patrick, look! Plankton's turned everyone we know into slaves. Squidward. Sandy. Mrs. Puff. Even Gary. Plankton. Can't your father do something? My father's too distracted by his bald spot to do anything. Squire, will you hurry. So you see, you can't quit. The fate of Bikini Bottom rests in your hands. - But... But we're just... - Hey. It doesn't matter if you're kids. And what's so wrong with being a kid, anyway? Kids rule! You don't need to be a man to do this. You just gotta believe in yourself. You just gotta believe! - I believe. - That's the spirit. I believe that everybody I know is a goner! Come on, guys. Guys. Guys? Guys? Oh, boy. Think, Mindy, think. Yup, I guess you're right. A couple of kids could never survive this journey. That's why I guess I'll just have to turn you into men. You can do that? How? With my mermaid magic. Did you hear that, Patrick? She'll use her mermaid magic to turn us into men! Hooray! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men! Good. Now, let's get started. Close your eyes. - Are we men yet? - Not yet. Spin around three times. I think it's working. Good. Now, keep your eyes shut. With my mermaid's magic and my one tailfin, I command the two of you to turn into men! Open your eyes. I don't feel any... Oh, my gosh, Patrick, you have a mustache! So do you! So now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City? - Guys. - Yeah? I said, now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City? Heck, yeah! - Are men afraid of anything? - Heck, no! And why? Because we're invincible! - Yeah! - Yeah! I never said that. Yeah. - Patrick? - Yeah, buddy? Why did we jump over the edge instead of taking the stairs? Bec... Well... - Patrick. - Are we dead? No. Far from it, my friend. We're safe and sound at the bottom of this trench. The mustaches worked! Do you know what that means? We are invincible! ''Now that we're men We can do anything'' ''Now that we're men We are invincible'' ''Now that we're men We'll go to Shell City'' ''Get the crown, save the town And Mr. Krabs'' Now that we're men We have facial hair Now that we're men I change my underwear ''Now that we're men We've got a manly flair'' ''We've got the stuff We're tough enough to save the day'' ''We never had a chance when we were kids'' No! No! No! ''But take a look at what the mermaid did'' Yeah, go, Pat. Oh, yeah. Yeah, go, SpongeBob. Hooray! ''Now that they're men We can't bother them'' ''Now that they're men They have become our friends'' ''Now that they're men There'll be a happy end'' ''They'll pass the test And finish the quest for the crown'' They'll pass the test And finish the quest ''They'll pass the test And finish the quest for the crown'' "Shell City, dead ahead. " We did it, Pat! We made it past everything! Even the hideous, disgusting monsters. Not you guys. You guys are awesome! Well, Patrick, we should be there in one more verse. ''- Now that we're men... - Finally.'' I got you right where I want you. Can I help you with something, sir? Name's Dennis. I've been hired to exterminate you. You're gonna exterminate us? Listen, junior, you caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Step aside, and you won't have to feel the awesome wrath of our mustaches. You mean these? I thought you still had a piece of salad stuck to your lip from lunchtime. They were fake? Of course they were fake! This is what a real mustache looks like. - Is he a mermaid? - All right. Enough gab. What are you gonna do to us? Plankton was very specific. Plankton? For some reason, he wanted me to step on you. Step on us? Yeah! That way you'll never find out that he stole the crown! Perhaps I've said too much. That's a big boot. Don't worry. This will only hurt a lot. I love this job! - Bigger boot! - Wait, Pat. This bigger boot saved our lives. Thank you, stranger. Stranger? It's the Cyclops! Help us! Help us! Save us, someone! Are we dead? I don't think so. Artificially colored rocks? I don't know where we are. What is this? It's some kind of wall of psychic energy. No, Pat, it's a giant glass bowl. Hey, there's some fish folk. - Hey, over here! - Hey! Hey! Hey, you guys! - You guys, hey! Help! - Hey! Help! - A little help here! We're stuck in this... - Help us out of the tank! Wait a second. Those fish are dead. What's he gonna do with us? Oh, no, he's going for his evil instruments of torture. Glue? Google eyes? He's making a humorous diorama of... ...Alexander Clam Bell? Patrick, he's killing sea animals and making them into smelly knickknacks. And I think we're next. - You think so? - Patrick! No! The heat is so intense from this lamp that I can't move. Tell me about it. This doesn't look too good, Patrick. You mean we're not gonna ''Get the crown, save the town And Mr. Krabs?'' I don't even think we're gonna be able to save ourselves, buddy. - Thanks. - Don't mention it. Well, it looks like what everybody said about us is true, Patrick. You mean that we're attractive? No, that we're just kids. A couple of kids in way over their heads. We were doomed from the start. I mean, look at us. We didn't even come close to the crown. We let everybody down. We failed. Shell City. Yeah, we never made it to Shell City. Shell City. Exactly, buddy. Yeah, the place we never got to. Shell City. Okay, now you're starting to bum me out, Patrick. No, look at the sign. "Shell City. Marine gifts and sundries. " Shell City is a gift shop? But if this is Shell City, then where's the...? - Crown. - Crown. Neptune's crown. This is Shell City. Pat, we did make it. Yeah, I guess we did. We did all right for a couple of goofballs. I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah That's the end of SpongeBob. Come here, you. Shut up and look at the screen. The bird's right. Look. It be the tear of the Goofy Goobers. Hey, we're alive. - Let's get that crown. - Right. On three, Patrick. Ready? One, two, three. Hey, it's lighter than I thought. What's happening? I don't know. Look! Come on, Patrick. Let's get this crown back to Bikini Bottom. - Do you still have that bag of winds? - I sure do. Here you go. What? Nothing. Nothing. Okay, let's go over the instructions. Let's see, it says here, "Step one: Point bag away from home. " - Okay. - "Step two: Plant feet firmly on ground. " - Right. - "Step three: Remove string from bag, releasing the winds. " Check. Well, that seems simple enough. Point bag away from home, feet firmly on ground, pull string, releasing the winds. All right, let's do it for real. SpongeBob? - No, no, stop! - I was bad, I'm sorry! - Please, bag. - I'm sorry, I just thought... It was a mistake! Oh, no. How will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now? I can take you there. - Who are you? - I'm David Hasselhoff. - Hooray! - Hooray! So where's your boat? Boat? - Go, Hasselhoff. - Next stop, Bikini Bottom. ''All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.'' Well, Krabs, you know what today is? Sorry about this, calendar. March. Wait, that's not right. It should say "The day that Krabs fries. " Guess who's here. Hooray for Hasselhoff! Nothing can stop us now. Unidentified object off the hindquarters. It looks like... ...bigger boot. But how? Dennis! Did you miss me? This is the best seat in the house. All right, Neptune, let's get it on. Eugene Krabs, your six-day reprieve is up, and it is time for you to die. Please, I didn't do it. There is nothing else I can do. You can give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time. Except give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time... What? Mindy, will you butt out. I won't have you stalling this execution. Stalling? I'm not stalling anything. - Yes, you are. - No, I'm not. Yes, you are. You're doing it right now. - I'm stalling. - Yes. - Stalling? - Stalling! - Stalling. - Stalling! Oh, boy. Now, where were we? - Patrick, run. - No. I'm tired of running. If we run now, we'll never stop... Run, SpongeBob! Take it easy back there, fellas. SpongeBob, be careful. Come on, kid, give it up. Dennis always gets his man. Never! Yeah! I did it! You got guts, kid. Too bad I gotta rip them out of you. I don't know what Plankton's paying you, but if you let us go, I can make it worth your while. It's gonna take a lot more than ... - What is this? - That, sir, is five Goober dollars. Legal tender at any participating Goofy Goober... I got bubbles. Fun at parties. My eyes. I got you, SpongeBob. Thanks, buddy. Thanks a lot. That's it. I'm through messing around. See you later, fools. See you. So you think... ...I'm... ...stalling. Where am I, in Crazytown? I have had enough of this nonsense! You are to wait in the carriage until the execution is done. - But, Daddy... - Now! No, no, no! Oh, SpongeBob, wherever you are, you better hurry. Okay, fellas, this is where you get off. Bikini Bottom's directly below. But we'll never be able to float down in time. Who said anything about floating? ''- Initiating launch sequence. - What the...?'' - Did you see that? - The control. All hands on deck. ''Ten seconds to liftoff. Nine, eight...'' Eugene Krabs, the time has come... - No. - Yes. ...six, five... ...for you... - No. - Yes. ...three, two... ...to fry. - No. ''- Yes. - ... one.'' No! You done good, Hasselhoff. You done... Hooray! We made it. We made it. My crown. My beautiful crown! SpongeBob? Patrick? I knew you could do it. Oh, yes. Well done, SpongeBoob. Sorry to rain on your parade, Plankton. Oh, don't worry about me. My parade shall be quite dry under my umbrella! Umbrella? Daddy, no. Daddy, yes. All hail Plankton. ''All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.'' ''All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.'' SpongeBob, what happened? - Plankton cheated. - Cheated? Hold on there, baldy. Oh, grow up. What, you think this is a game of kickball on the playground? You never had a chance to defeat me, fool. And you know why? Because you cheated? No, not because I cheated. Because I'm an evil genius. And you're just a kid. A stupid kid. I guess you're right, Plankton. I am just a kid. Of course I'm right. Okay, Neptune, time to kill. And you know, I've been through a lot in the past six days, five minutes, -and-a-half seconds. And if I've learned anything during that time, it's that you are who you are. - That's right. Okay, Neptune... - And no amount of mermaid magic... ...or managerial promotion... ...or some other third thing... ...can make me anything more than what I really am inside: - A kid. - That's great. - Now, get back against the wall. - But that's okay. - What? What's going on? - Because I did what everyone said a kid couldn't do. I made it to Shell City, and I beat the Cyclops, and I rode the Hasselhoff, and I brought the crown back. - All right, we get the point. - So, yeah, I'm a kid. And I'm also a goofball. And a wing nut. And a Knucklehead McSpazatron! - What's going on here? - But most of all, I'm... - Okay, settle down. Take it easy. - I'm... I'm... What the scallop?! I'm a Goofy Goober You're a Goofy Goober We're all Goofy Goobers Goofy, goofy, goober, goober ''Put your toys away Well, all I gotta say'' ''When you tell me not to play I say no way'' ''- No way! - No, no freaking way'' ''I'm a kid, you say When you say I'm a kid'' ''I say, "Say it again" And then I say thanks'' ''- Thanks! - Thank you very much'' ''So if you're thinking That you'd like to be like me'' ''Go ahead and try The kid inside will set you free'' I'm a Goofy Goober What's happening? His dance moves are impressive, but I'm in control. ''- Seize him! - All hail Plankton.'' I'm free. I've been freed! What? No! My precious helmets! His chops are too righteous. The helmets can't handle this level of rock 'n' roll. Karen, do something. Karen? All right, that's the last straw. Neptune, I command you to... - Here you go, Daddy. - I better get out of here. Look, it's the wizard who saved us. Out of my way, fools. Come on, I was just kidding. Come on, you guys knew that, didn't you? With the helmets and the big monuments... Wasn't that hilarious, everybody? I will destroy all of you! Well, Mindy, I have to admit, you were right. Your compassion for these sea creatures proved a most admirable trait. Without it, I would have never again seen my beloved crown. I think you're going to make a fine ruler of the sea one day. - Now, let's go home. - Daddy, haven't you forgotten something? What? Oh, yeah. Eugene Krabs, I forgot to unfreeze you. What the...? I guess I had it set to "real boy" ending. Oh, I'm sorry for falsely freezing you, Krabs. And may I say, sir, you are a very lucky fellow to have in your employ such a brave, faithful and heroic young lad. - Where is he, anyway? - I'm up here. I'm on it. Go to him now, Krabs. Embrace him. SpongeBob, me boy, I'm sorry I ever doubted you. That's a mistake I won't make again. Oh, Mr. Krabs, you old soft-serve. And now, SpongeBob, I'm gonna do something that I should've done six days ago. Mr. Squidward, front and center, please. I think we all know who rightfully deserves to wear that manager pin. I couldn't agree more, sir. Hooray for SpongeBob! Wait a second, everybody. There's something I need to say first. I just don't know how to put it. I think I know what it is. After going on your life-changing journey, you now realize you don't want what you thought you wanted. What you really wanted was inside you all along. Are you crazy? I was just gonna tell you that your fly is down. Manager! This is the greatest day of my life! You know, David Hasselhoff is a great artist. Excuse me, sir. You folks have to leave. What? Say that again, if you dare. You folks have to leave. Okay. |summary= Through the snow and sleet and hail...            through the blizzard, through the gale...             through the wind and through the rain...             over mountain, over plain...             through the blinding lightning flash...             and the mighty thunder crash...             ever faithful, ever true...             nothing stops him. He'll get through. Look out for Mr. Stork that persevering chap He'll come along and drop a bundle in your lap You may be poor or rich It doesn't matter which Millionaires, they get theirs like the butcher and the baker So look out for Mr. Stork and let me tell you, friend Don't try to get away He'll find you in the end He'll spot you out in China or he'll fly to County Cork So you'd better look out for Mr. Stork Look out for Mr. Stork He's got you on his list And when he comes around it's useless to resist Remember those quintuplets and the woman in the shoe Maybe he's got his eye on you All aboard! All aboard! All aboard! Let's go! Casey Junior's comin'down the track Comin'down the track with a smoky stack Hear him puffin' comin'round the hill Casey's here to thrill every Jack and Jill Every time his funny little whistle sounds Everybody hurries to the circus grounds Time for lemonade and Cracker Jack Casey Junior's back Casey Junior's back Oh. My, my. Now let me see. Must be right around here somewhere. I hope. Ah, watch it there. On the treetop Where are we here? Oh, here. Highway   four miles to the gas station Turn left Da-da da-da-da de              Ah. That must be it. Well, little fella, let's get goin'. Mrs.Jumbo. Oh, Mrs.Jumbo. Calling Mrs.Jumbo. Mrs.Jumbo? Oh. My. Mrs.Jumbo! - Oh, where's that Mrs.Jum-- - Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo! - Over here. - This way, boy. - In here! In here! - Yoo-hoo! - This is the place. - Whew! At last. Which one of you ladies is expecting? - Hmph! Not me. - The very idea. Certainly not. Over there, of course. Yes, of course. Right over there. Oh. Of course. Here is a baby with eyes of blue...              straight from heaven right to you. Or: Straight from heaven up above...              here is a baby for you to love. Sign here, please. Uh, yeah. Well-- Oh. Mrs.Jumbo. Uh, one moment, please. This is still part of the service. Happy Birthday to you Ah, Happy Birthday to you Ah, Happy Birthday, dear Ah, dear Dear me. What's his name? Jumbo.Junior. Oh.Jumbo Junior, huh? Ahem.Jumbo Junior. Happy Birthday, dear Jumbo Junior Happy Birthday To-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo You - Oh, do hurry, dear. - I'm on pins and needles. - Isn't it thrilling? - I'm all a-flutter. Ah, this is a proud, proud day. - Well, hurry and open it, dearie. - I'm just dying to see. - Oh! - Look at him! Look at him! Oh, what a-- Oh, look! - Oh, you sweet little thing. - He is cute, isn't he? Oh, he is a darling little baby. Adorable. Simply adorable. Did you ever see anything so cunning? Isn't he a darling! Kootchy, kootchy, kootchy, kootchy, kootchy, kootchy. - Oh! - Oh! - Is it possible? - Isn't there some mistake? Just look at those, those-- E-A-R-S. Those what? Oh, ears! These! Aren't they funny? Oh! - Oh, my goodness. - What a temper. Oh, what did I do? Well, tell me. - Did I say anything? - Perfectly harmless remark. I just said that they're funny, and they are funny. - They certainly are. - After all, who cares...              about her precious little Jumbo? Jumbo? You mean Dumbo. Dumbo. - Dumbo, I say. - That's good. - Dumbo! That's good. - Dumbo. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I thought I could. I thought I could. I thought I could. I thought I could. Whoo-woo! Hike, ugh, hike, ugh hike, ugh, hike We work all day We work all night We never learned to read or write We're happy-hearted roustabouts Hike, ugh, hike, ugh hike, ugh, hike When other folks have gone to bed We slave until we're almost dead We're happy-hearted roustabouts Hike, ugh, hike, ugh hike, ugh, hike We don't know when we get our pay And when we do we throw our pay away When we get our pay we throw our money all away We get our pay when children say With happy hearts It's circus day today Then we get our pay just watching kids on circus day Muscles aching Back near breaking Eggs and bacon's what we need - Yes, sir! - Boss man houndin' Keep on poundin' For your bread and keep There ain't no letup Got to set up              Pull that canvas Drive that stake Want to doze off Get them clothes off But must keep awake Hep! Heave! Hep! Heave! Hep! Heave! Hep! Heave! Hep! Heave! Hep! Heave! Hep! Heave! Hep! Swing that sledge Sing that song Work and laugh the whole night long "You happy"-"hearted roustabouts" Pullin', poundin' tyin', groundin' Big top roundin'into shape Keep on workin' Stop that shirkin' Grab that rope,you hairy ape Poundin', poundin' Poundin', poundin' Oh              Jostling and juggling. Fifteen minutes! Step right up and get your tickets. Hurry, hurry now. Hurry to the big sideshow. That's why you go under the big top. Fifteen big attractions that you can't see anywhere else in the world! The greatest collection in the entire world. And the greatest comedies are featured and assembled for your entertainment. Ain't that the funniest thing you ever saw? Look at his ears. Hey, guys, lookit! Smitty's an elephant! - Aw, let me see! - Boo! - You can't hide him from us. - Yeah, his ears are still stickin' out. - Come on! - We wanna see him! - We wanna laugh. - Sure, that's what we came for. Hey, the biggest slingshot in the world. - Hey! Cut that out! - Hey, let's get out of here. - You're hurting me! Help! - Here, you! What's going on? Down. Mrs.Jumbo, down! Surround her. Tie her down. Get down! Calm down! Tie her down! Darling, it was so funny. Oh, my dear, can you bear it? When she doused the ringmaster, I just thought I'd die. Well, personally, I think she went a bit too far. After all, one mustn't forget one is a lady. - Oh, you're right, dear. Yes. - Oh, that's very true. Oh, well, I suppose that's mother love. But it's certainly no excuse for what she did. Mother love might cover a multitude of sins. It's true, my dear, and she has such a streak in-- A guy can't eat in peace. Yes, but mother love does-- Gab, gab, gab. Always gossipin'. Girls, girls! Listen! Have I got a trunk full of dirt. - Well, darling, tell us all. - Go on, go on. Well, I heard today that they have put her in solitary confinement. - No! - You don't mean it! Oh, how awful for her! Well, l-I must say, l-I don't blame her for anything. You're absolutely right. It's all the fault of that little-- F-R-E-A-K. Yes, him with those ears that only a mother could love. What's the matter with his ears? I don't see nothin' wrong with 'em. I think they're cute. Ladies, ladies! It's no laughing matter at all. Oh. Oh, she's right, girls. Don't forget that we elephants have always walked with dignity. His disgrace is our own shame. - Yes, that's true. That's very true. - Oh, indeed it is. Well, frankly, I wouldn't eat at the same bale of hay with him. - No. Right. - Me either, dearie. -I should say. -Nor I. That's just how I feel about it. Here he comes now. Hmm. Pretend you don't see him. Shh. How do ya like that? Givin' him the cold shoulder. Poor little guy. There he goes, without a friend in the world. Nobody to turn to. Oh, I'll do somethin' about this. A mouse! So ya like to pick on little guys, huh? Well, why don't you pick on me? A proud race. Overstuffed hay bags! Boo! Still afraid of a mouse. Ho-ho, boy. Wait'll I tell the little guy. Where is he? Oh. Hey, Dumbo. You can come out now. Golly. Maybe I scared him too. Look, Dumbo. I'm your friend. Come on out, won't ya? You're not really afraid of little me, are ya? Ya are? Must've overdid it in there. Don't know my own strength sometimes. Dumbo. Look what I got for ya. Uh-uh-uh-uh. Ya gotta come out first. Too bad ya don't trust me, 'cause I thought...              uh, well, you--you and me, uh, we might get your mother out of the clink. Oh, but I guess you wouldn't be interested. So long, Dumbo. Well, that's more like it. Ya know, your ma ain't crazy. She's just brokenhearted. It ain't nobody's fault you got them big ears. Uh-oh. Boy, I stepped in it that time. Aw, gee, Dumbo. I think your ears are beautiful. Sure. As a matter of fact, I think they're very decorative. You know, lots of people with big ears are famous. Ho-ho, boy. All we gotta do is build an act. Make ya a star. A headliner! Dumbo the Great! Uh-oh. The great what? Ya know, Dumbo, we gotta get an idea. Not just any idea. Something colossal, like, uh-- Have I got an idea! What an idea! Huh. He never had an idea in his life. Just visualize: One elephant climbs up...              on top of another elephant until finally...               all    elephants...               have constructed an enormous pyramid...               of pachyderms. I step out. I blow the whistle. - Yeah. - The trumpets are trumpeting. - Yeah. - And now...              comes the climax! Yeah? What is the climax? Hmm. I don't know. I knew he never had nothin'. Well, maybe it comes to me...              in a vision while I dream. - Good night,Joe. - Good night, Boss. Climax. Climax! Dumbo, you're a climax. I'll be back in a minute. I'm gonna take care of your future. I am the voice of your subconscious mind. Your inspiration. Now, concentrate. Remember? Your pyramid of elephants...              are standing in the ring waitin' for a climax. - Climax. - You are now getting that climax. - Climax. - How's the reception? Comin' through okay? Good. Suddenly, from the sidelines, comes your climax. - Climax. - Gallopin' across the arena. - Arena. - He jumps from a springboard...              to a platform. At the very pinnacle of your pyramid, he waves a flag...              for a glorious finish! - Finish? - And who is your climax? The little elephant with the big ears! The world's mightiest midget mastodon! Dumbo! What? - Dumbo. - Dumbo. - Dumbo. - Dumbo. - Dumbo. - Dumbo. I got it! I got it! Ladies and gentlemen...              we will now present for your entertainment...               the most stupendous, magnificent...               super-colossal spectacle. On this tiny...              little, insignificant ball...               we will construct for you...               a pyramid, not of wood, not of stone...               To hear him talk, you'd think he was going to do it. - but a living, breathing... - The stuffed shirt. pyramid of ponderous, pulsating...              pulchritudinous pachyderms! I give you the elephants. Aren't we a bit clumsy? Gaining a little weight, aren't you, honey? You're no cream puff yourself, dearie. Quiet up there. Tend to your work, girls. Take your foot out of my eye, clumsy ox. Steady, girls. Boy, that was a close one. They're almost ready now, Dumbo. Don't forget to wave that flag. Okay, okay. Don't wave it no more. I saw ya. Now, look. All ya gotta do is run out, see? Jump on the springboard. All right, now show me just how you're gonna do it. That's it. Attaboy. That's the stuff. Come on. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Dumbo! Oh, those ears. We gotta do somethin', quick. Ladies and gentlemen...              you have now seen the impossible...               accomplished in front of your faces. Seven jungle giants... each one weighing not-- That windbag! - Why doesn't he come to the point? -     pounds! And now, I present...              the world's smallest little elephant...               who will spring from this springboard...               in one spring...               to the top of this pyramid, waving his little flag...               for a grand climax! Ladies and gentlemen...              I give you Dumbo! Go on! Get goin'! What's the matter with you? Dumbo! That's your cue! You're on, Dumbo. Out of my way, assassin! - Dear! - Ohh. I never thought I'd live to see the big top fall. Because of that Dumbo, I never can show my face there again. Oh, look at my beautiful tail! I'd just like to spank the daylights out of him-- Ah! Oh! Oh! Ohh. Oh, that won't be necessary, dearie. They fixed him good. - What do you mean? - Wh-What did they do? - Did they beat him? - What is it, darling? - Tell us. - Come, come. I demand to know. Oh. Well, they've gone and made him-- - Oh, dear, I just can't say it. - Out with it! Made him a clown. A clown? - No! - Yes. Oh, the shame of it. Let us take the solemn vow. From now on, he is no longer...              an elephant. Please! Help me save my poor baby! Whoo! Save my child! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Where are you? Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo! Hey! Hey! Hey! Save my ba-- - Come on!Jump! - We'll save you. Hurry up! - Hurry up! - We'll save you. Go on. -Jump! - We'll save ya. Whew! Boy, oh, boy, did we wow 'em out there! - What a performance! - Are we good? Thirteen curtain calls. Thirteen! Yeah, sure brought down the house, all right. Oh, Mama, did we panic 'em. Ask me,Joey. Go ahead. Ask me. You said it. We rolled 'em in the aisles. - Boy, oh, boy, what a act. - Oh, "what a act" is right. Stupendous, I calls it. They'll have more respect for us clowns now. - Yeah, yeah, you bet. - Here, boys. This calls for a real celebration. Come and get it. - Poison! Am I thirsty. - I could use one of them myself. - This one's on Dumbo. - Yeah, Dumbo. - Dumbo! - Here's plaster in his eyes. See? They're drinkin' a toast to ya. Yeah. You're a big hit. Why, uh, you're terrific. Oh, you're colossal. Stupendous. Come on. Alley-oop. I gotta wash behind your ears. You oughta be proud. You're a success. Look. A peanut! Come on. Eat it. Got lots of vitamins. Give ya a lot of, uh, pep. Oh-ho-ho. I forgot to tell ya. Why, we're goin' over to see your mother. I made an appointment for ya. Didn't I tell ya? Huh! Just like me. I must have forgot. Come on. Get your hat. Oh. Right over there. Cozy little place, ain't it? Mrs.Jumbo. I hope she's in. Someone to see ya. Baby mine Don't you cry Baby mine Dry your eyes Rest your head Close to my heart Never to part Baby of mine Little one When you play Don't you mind What they say Let those eyes Sparkle and shine Never a tear Baby of mine From your head To your toes Baby mine You're so sweet goodness knows Baby mine - You are so - Baby, baby, baby - Precious to me - Mine Cute as can be baby of mine Baby mine Baby mine Here ya are. Pour it in me slipper,Joey. Boy, I can't get over the way we rolled 'em in the aisles. -Just wait'll we hit the big town. - This gives me an idea. Let's raise the platform the elephant jumps off of. Yeah! If they laugh when he jumps   feet...               they'll laugh twice as hard if he jumps    feet. - Yeah, that's right. That's right. - Simple mathematics. - Let's make it   feet. - Don't be a piker. .              - Make it. - A thousand. - Yeah, that's good. - Hey, be careful. - You'll hurt the little guy. - Aw, go on. - Elephants ain't got no feelings. - No, they're made of rubber. This idea is sensational. Let's go tell the boss. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Come on. Let's go. Hey, hey! Let's hit him for a raise. Yeah, sure. This is worth real dough. Oh, we're gonna hit the big boss for a raise Yes, we're gonna hit the big boss for a raise Oh, we're gonna get more money 'cause we knowthat we're funny We're gonna hit the big boss for a raise I know how ya feel, Dumbo, but you gotta pull yourself together. What would your mother think of ya, if she saw you crying like this? Remember, you come of a proud race. Why you're a-a-a-- a pachyderm...              and pachyderms don't cry. What's cryin' get ya anyhow? Nothin' but the hiccups. There. Ya see? Well, ain't nothin' a little water won't cure. Oops-a-daisy. We'll have ya fixed up in a jiffy. Come on. Here. Take a trunk full. Listen, little fella. We may have had a lot of hard luck up till now...              but you and me is gonna do big things together. Hold your breath. Why, your mother's gonna be so proud of ya. I'm gonna be proud of ya too. The whole circus is gonna be proud of ya. Now, what do ya think of that? Swallow it. Ho-ho. They can't keep us down. Oh, I guess you had one little one left over. Dumbo, we'll bounce back so ha-- Hey, what's the matter with you? What kind of water is this, anyhow? Balloonies. Hiya, George. Whee! That's a pretty schstrick schlick. All right. Let's see ya blow a square one, pal. Say, that's very, very clever. Now blow a great big one. That's a pretty sh-- Hey! Dumbo. You see what I see? Look out, look out Pink elephants on parade Here they come Hippity-hoppity They're here and there Pink elephants everywhere Look out, look out They're walking around the bed on their head Clippity-cloppity Arrayed in braid Pink elephants on parade - What'll I do - What'll I do              What an unusual view I can stand the sight of worms and look at microscopic germs But Technicolor pachyderms is really too much for me              I am not the type to faint When things are odd or things are quaint But seein'things you knowthere ain't              Can certainly give you an awful fright What a sight Chase 'em away, chase 'em away I'm afraid, need your aid Pink elephants on parade - Hey, hey, hey - Pink elephants Pink elephants Pink elephants - Well, looky here, looky here. - My, my. Why, this is most irregular. Well, I just can't believe my eyes. - They ain't dead, is they? - No. Dead people don't snore. Or do they? Uh, wh-what's all the ruckus? Come on. Step aside, brother. Uh, what's cookin' 'round here? What's the good news? What's fryin', boy? -Just look down there, brother. - And prepare yourself for a shock. - Well, hush my beak! - Go ahead. Wake 'em up, brother. Yeah. Find out what they're doin' up here. - Yeah. - And "ax" them what they want. Okay, boys. Leave it to me. Ohh! Those pink elephants. Ho! Pink elephants? Mm-mmm! What's so funny? What are you boys doin' down here, anyway? What are we doin' down here? Well, hear him talk. Go on. Fly up a tree where you belong. - Say, look here, Brother Rat. - Brother Rat? Now listen. I ain't your brother and I ain't no rat, see? Uh-huh. And I suppose you...              and no elephant ain't up in no tree, either. No! No, me and no tree ain't up no-- Huh? Tree? Yo! Dumbo. Dumbo. Wake up. Wake up, Dumbo! Don't look now, but I think we're up in a tree. Aw, don't pay no attention to them scarecrows. Come on, Dumbo. Let's get back to the circus. So long, boy! But I wonder how we ever got up in that tree, anyway. Now, let's see. Elephants can't climb trees, can they? Nah, nah, that's ridiculous. Couldn't jump up. Mm-mm. It's too high. Hey there, son. Maybe you all flew up. Maybe we flew up. Yeah, maybe we-- That's it! Dumbo! You flew! Boy, am I stupid. Why didn't I think of this before? Your ears.Just look at 'em, Dumbo. Why, they're perfect wings. The very things that held ya down are gonna carry ya up and up and up! I can see it all now. Dumbo, the Ninth Wonder of the Universe! The world's only flyin' elephant! Did you ever see an elephant fly? - Well, I've seen a horsefly. - Ah, I've seen a dragonfly. - Hee-hee. I've seen a housefly. - Yeah! See, I've seen all that too. I've seen a peanut stand and heard a rubber band. I seen a needle that winked its eye. But I be done seen about ever'thing When I see a elephant fly - What'd you say, boy? - I said when I see a elephant fly I seen a front porch swing heard a diamond ring I seen a polka-dot railroad tie But I be done seen 'bout ever'thing When I see a elephant fly - Da da-da-da - Da-da-da do-do-dow wow - Da da-da-da - Hey, wow I saw a clotheshorse He rear up and buck And they tell me that a man made a vegetable truck I didn't see that I only heard Just to be sociable I'll take your word - I heard a fireside chat - I saw a baseball bat And I just laughed till I thought I'd die But I be done seen 'bout ever'thing When I see a elephant fly Bo Sho Ba-da-do-do But I be done seen 'bout ever'thing When I see a elephant fly With the wind. When I see a elephant Fly All right, you wise birds. This has gone far enough. Quiet, gentlemen. The Reverend Rodent is gonna address you. You oughta be ashamed of yourselves. A bunch of big guys like you...              pickin' on a poor little orphan like him. Suppose you was torn away from your mother when you was just a baby...              nobody to tuck you in at nights...               no warm, soft, caressin' trunk to snuzzle into. How would you like to be left out alone...              in a cold, cruel, heartless world? And why? I ask ya, why? Just because he's got those big ears, they call him a freak. The laughingstock of the circus. Then when his mother tried to protect him...              they threw her into the clink. And on top of that, they made him a clown! Socially, he's washed up. Ah, but what's the use of talkin' to you coldhearted birds? Go ahead. Have your fun. Laugh at him. Kick him, now that he's down. Go on! We don't care. Come on, Dumbo. Hey, brother, w-w-wait a minute. Uh, don't go away feelin' like that. We done seen the light. You boys is okay. Please, you've done enough. Well, but we's all fixin' to help you. Uh, ain't that the truth, boys? - Well, it sure is. - Uh, yeah, that-- You're right. You wanna make the elephant fly, don't ya? Well, you gotta use a lot of'chology. You know, psychology. Now, here's what you do. First, you, uh-- Uh, bu-- And then, right after that, you, uh-- Use the magic feather. Catch on? The magic feather? Yeah, I gotcha. Dumbo! Look! Have I got it! The magic feather! Now you can fly! Let's go. Let's go. - Heave ho. Heave ho. - Let's go, Dumbo. - Let's go. Let's go. - Come on now. - Up, down. Up, down. - Heave ho. - One, two, One, two. One, two. - Heave ho. Faster, faster. Get up flyin' speed. Retract your landing gear. Raise your fuselage. Take off. Aw, it's no use, Dumbo. I guess it's just another one of their-- Look! Hot diggity! You're flyin'. You're flyin'! Uh, why, he flies just like a eagle. That's better than a airplane. Brother, now I've seen everything. But I be done seen about everything When I see a elephant fly With the wind. When I see a elephant Fly Dumbo, I knew you could do it! Wait'll we get to the big town. Boy, them city folks is sure in for a surprise. Poor baby! Whoo! - Come on!Jump! Come on! - We'll save ya. - Hurry up! - We'll save ya! - Come on!Jump! - Come on! Look at that house. Dumbo, you're standing on the threshold of success. Don't look down. It'll make you dizzy. Boy, are they in for a surprise. Ho-ho. Got the magic feather? Good. Okay. Contact! Take off!. Uh-oh. The magic feather! Dumbo, come on. Fly. Open them ears. The magic feather was just a gag. You can fly. Honest, you can. Hurry! Open 'em up! Please! Whee! We did it! We did it! Let's show 'em, Dumbo. Power dive. Now, loop the loop. You're makin' history! You're makin' history! I've seen a peanut stand heard a rubber band I've seen a needle that winked its eye But I be done seen About everything When I see an elephant fly - Oh, my - When I see When I see When I see an elephant fly - Mmm, look at him go! - When I see an elephant fly - Happy landin', son. - Yippee! When I see a elephant fly I wish I'd have got his autograph. Oh, man, I got his autograph. Well, so long, glamour boy! }}