User blog comment:Lily8763cp/Random Story - Secret, Secret Agent/@comment-24951189-20170414052830

Hey, man. Tecku here. If I may, I'd like to analyze your recent stories.

First off, I want to say that I have no idea how old you are. Ages on this wiki can vary from middle school to full blown adults. Heck, I'm a 22 year old college graduate working full time. As such, I have no idea how much practice you have writing. I say practice because experience matters more than education or what grade you are in.

Now, you definitely have a good grasp on your characters. You write their actions well, and the stories you write move at a good pace. For example, you have a set up where Secret Agent almost blows his cover, then saves it at the last moment. That's pretty good.

However, your writing keeps falling flat in one particular area... the dialogue. You certainly put the time in to make the dialogue match the personalities on each character. But they're not really talking the way that I would imagine characters in the PvZ Universe would talk. PvZ is humorous, imaginative, zany, and fast-paced. Your script tries for punchlines, but the dialogue comes off as more expositional than humorous or emotional. Most of your characters are announcing their personalities instead of acting like their personalities.

Zombie High Diver: He's been training for many years. Like how I've trained to be the best swimmer in all the land! ...after I got over my fear of heights and water.

Secret Agent: Good. *starts to put it on* I'm impressed. Only took you two a few minutes.

I don’t get a feel of their personalities from this. I believe what you’re going for is that Zombie High Diver supposed to be cocky, and downplaying his former fears. However, it just comes off as exposition. The same thing goest with Secret Agent’s dialogue. Is he warming up to Imposter after not being impressed by them? Is Secret Agent keeping it cool with a simple remark on his colleagues? I get each character’s personality, but I can’t get a feel for their relationships, or how they work off of each other.



<span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">All in all, writing is hard. I tried to write an outline for a Captain Combustable story in one of my blogs, and I wasn't happy with the results, so I know how hard it can be. I just want to to keep improving. Good luck, kiddo!

<p style="margin:12pt0in;"> P.S. - If you want to improve your dialogue, try looking up Aqua Teen Hunger Force on Youtube. It's a great cartoon where almost all the comedy comes from the dialogue, as opposed to the animation. It's one of the funniest cartoons ever made in my opinion. It's an adult show, though, so don't watch it without parent's permission if you are young.