Board Thread:Weekly discussions/@comment-27385163-20180902001142/@comment-3398859-20180903174944

Alright, so I guess I gotta go back and read every Almanac Entry, Facebook description, PvZH and Garden Warfare flavor text.

Highlights: I'm gonna save the PvZH Zombie descriptions and Garden Warfare stuff for a little later. I've been at this for like an hour and am very tired now.
 * Plants vs. Zombies
 * For some reason I really love Starfruit's almanac. The suggestion that his buck tooth is his only tooth, and somehow has four cavities is just hilarious.
 * Spikerock is a close runner-up on the plants' side. Maybe it's just the weirdly dry delivery of "He never knew they made museums so big, or put so many paintings in them. It was a big surprise to him."
 * Zombie Yeti hands-down has the funniest almanac in the entire game. I love how it tries to act as there's some mystic prestige, even though everything about him turns out to be known.
 * I also love how mundane Ladder Zombie's almanac is. I love the thought of this mustached zombie going into a store, buying a ladder, and not even, eating anyone's brains or anything. He needs the ladder to eat your brains specifically, of course!
 * Despite that though, I'm gonna go ahead and give Digger Zombie the "worst almanac of the game" award. I just really don't know what the joke is, if there is one at all...
 * Plants vs. Zombies 2
 * While it does sort of contradict the first game's entry, I love Split Pea's almanac entry because the prospect of the two heads fighting for eyebrows of all things is hilarious to me.
 * Any almanac entry where a plant is said to do something they are obviously incapable of doing earns strong points from me, and Hot Potato has to take the cake.
 * I also really love A.K.E.E.'s almanac, because it essentially meant someone had to come up with a ridiculous long-term name for her acronym, and have it still be terrible. That is amazing.
 * The last sentence of Endurian's almanac really just sells it.
 * "Turnip the Beet" is absolutely terrible. I love it so much.
 * While I admit I feel most of NMT's almanacs are kind of weak, I do love "vitamins and sorcery."
 * Primal Peashooter's is pretty great for the same reason as Ladder Zombie or Hot Potato. I don't know why, but the mental image of "caveman peashooter entering software development courses" is just... too good.
 * "Flugelhorn" is an inherrently funny word.
 * Strawburst has this hilariously blunt almanac that I can never pass down. "I just like sizes, really."
 * "Nitroglycerin" is another inherrently funny word.
 * Unfortunately, if we're gonna talk "worst almanacs," you could probably say about any premium plant from 2016. Kiwibeast, Apple Mortar, and most unfortunately, Witch Hazel all got it pretty rough.
 * Alright, now for zombies. Peasant Zombie is a strong contender for "funniest in the game," especially with the implication that the zombies you're fighting aren't actually dead corpses.
 * Not even the almanac, but Jurassic Buckethead's "Crude drawings of buckets provide just as much protection as the real thing."
 * Porter Gargantuar especially for the one picture Starfruity drew of the situation being acted out.
 * Amberhead Zombie also gets points, because its almanac takes a turn you definitely don't expect when you're first reading it.
 * Octo Zombie's almanac is what I aspire to be in the future.
 * Plants vs. Zombies Adventures
 * After reading Popcorn's description? I agree. I wish the best for him.
 * Again, Barrel Zombie's description, with the absurd specificity of "Barrel Zombie Discount Barrel Supply Chain," a story that apparently existed prior to the zombie apocalypse.
 * Plants vs. Zombies Heroes
 * Uncrackable seems to imply that Wall-Knight just regularly throws himself into nutcrackers to mess them up, and that is great.
 * Water Chestnut also falls under the Hot Potato clause.
 * Our next "funniest in the game" contestant goes to Marine Bean! Everything about the description highlights how ridiculous "bean with gills" is as a concept, and I feel is really representative of the series.
 * Not really "favorites," but I feel that by shortening them, Lava Guava and Toadstool's almanacs are a bit better. They just get to the point a bit sooner, you know?
 * Everything about Banana Split's almanac combined with the design just really sells that plant on me.
 * I also really love Cornucopia's "Thanksgiving came early this year" line. It's simple, but pretty entertaining nonetheless.