User blog:Ballistic Planet/Top 10 Sexiest Plants in the Plants vs. Zombies series

'''DISCLAIMER: All of this is a joke, please don't get offended, I don't mean any of it. There's also going to be some rather interesting content in this blog, so turn a way now if you don't want to be wierded out. This is your one warning. We're in for a wild ride ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)'''

Oh boy! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Today, I'm going to count down just 10 (with honorable mentions) the top 10 sexiest plants in the series. I know Some Bul9 Guy maybe already did this, but he's not me, now is he? Now let's begin!

Honorable Mentions



 * Hurrikale: My second favorite plant, and boy isn't he a suave gentlemen (even more than this gent right here)
 * Moonflower: I'd f*** "collaborate" with you anytime! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
 * Cold Snapdragon: He's a furry™ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
 * Rose: Wait, since when do I include GW characters into my lists? Well this technically isn't on the list, but you get my point. She's a sexy diva (I know nothing about GW don't kill me)  . However if I pissed her off, which I know I'm gonna do, I'm gonna get turned into a sheep, and I really don't want that.
 * Green Shadow: Dang PopCap. You made Peashooter look sexy as heck. Her nice, sweet design gives me a ... makes me swoon every time I see it!

Enough with that bs, time for the list!

#10


None other than Pineapple Cannon! Pineapples are nice and spiny and rough, allowing me to show off my tougher side ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). He's also kinda cute... not that I'm into that kind of thing.

#9


When I'm next to Stallia, all I want to do is feel her body and her spores right next to mine. Her spores give off a calming and smoothing effect, slowing down both time and the song. I like calm girls, so Stallia is perfectly sexy in my eyes.

#8


When I say I like my plants rough, I mean it. Cactus is a prickly fellow, who is very diverse and changes all the time ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). But one thing stays constant; it's that shes a rough one. And her sexy image in PVZ2 gives me shivers every time I see it. I put down PVZ1 Cactus though because she's a tall one, so maybe she can actually grow to my height in real life. (But then again, probably not)

#7, 6, and 5?


Dang, Imitater is so sexy that he requires three spots on this list. How did I even let that happen? Anyways, when you can be any plant, there's going to be times when you look super sexy. However, there are also going to be some times when you looks total untubular, so that's why he (she? help) only get's 7, 6, and 5 on my list.

#4


Oh man, my favorite plant at #4? Oh yeah baby. Just look at her. Those long teeth, those leafs, that stamen, those petals, that face, that plant! It's just so sexy.

#3


I swear, I'm not into this! But man oh man, is Bonk Choy a tempting one, with those fists, and that handsome hairdo! Something about Bonk Choy is just so suave, so sexy!

#2


This plant needs nothing stated about it to show how sexy he is.

#1


Ok, I give up. I am into Male plants. But I mean, with the pinnacle of sexy that is Jackfruit, how could you not? He and PMG single-handedly converted me from a straight plant lover into a plantsexual (with a preference towards males). His bushiness, his never ending smile, his eyes that seen to wander everywhere yet somehow still stare into your soul, it's so dreamy! Oh man, and don't get me started on how he just rolls, and rolls, and rolls. Due to all of the uber sexiness that Jackfruit has, he earns the spot as the sexiest plant in PVZ2.

Epilogue
Thanks for watching. In all seriousness, I wanted to do a joke blog for April Fools this year, and since a lot of what I write here is strategic/opinionated lists (like my tops 20's and my tier list), I felt like this would be the best fit for me on April Fools. Nothing I wrote here is serious at all, I'm not some homosexual pervert that trolls on the internet all day. Heh heh heh...