Board Thread:Fun and games/@comment-5760976-20180328232936/@comment-5760976-20180401002007

Iamarepeater wrote: {{LongSection Foot Soldier arrested!!! Reason for crime is losing in a fighting game
 * section = Breaking news
 * text =

Yesterday, Foot Soldier, a low-ranking recruit of the zombie army, was sentenced to 10 years in prison for robbing Dr. Zomboss of his statue, while All-star was sentenced to 1 hour of no football for his part in the crime.

Apparently at around 4 am 3 days ago, Dr. Zomboss's statue of himself standing upon the world in his conquest of it has gone missing. Alarmed, and crying in autotune, he alerted the authorities from the Pokemon land to investigate. After a search by the brilliant Pikachu, it was found that Foot Soldier was the mastermind behind this robbery.

Details
This is what happened on the day of the crime: It started with a dump where the zombies of Binary Stars were disposing their empty boxes where they were intercepted by Pikachu and Foot Soldier, who wanted to throw Pikachu off the trail. After giving their accounts, they searched for Engineer who operated an ice cream truck as his part-time job to pay for Foot Soldier's damages.

While Engineer willingly led the two to the house he and Foot Soldier lived in, as that was where he found the box holding the missing statue's arm, they were attacked by All-star ramming his car into the truck in the attempt to slow them down, which failed.

Once they got into the house, Pikachu found the rest of the statue in the basement and captured Foot Soldier, who idiotically realized All-star, his getaway driver was unable to even move an inch from being tied-up.

Judgement
Here is what happened in the interview between the authority and Foot Soldier:

Pikachu: Tell me. Why did you steal Dr. Zomboss's statue?

Foot Soldier: NEVER! I will never say it! Besides, I will...

Pikachu: Respawn? Fine. Then you can stay tied in. Even if you do respawn, you will be sent back here anyway. Also, you will have to watch Arcade Zombie play Doki Doki Literature Club non-stop for 10 hours everytime you respawn. You do know how cringey it will be.

Foot Soldier: Ok ok. I... I... I stole it because Dr. Zomboss beat me in Zombie Fighter RPG, and you know how bad he is at the game. I couldn't land a single hit on him!

Captain Deadbeard: Well, you keep holding only the left button...

Foot Soldier: SHUT UP!

Pikachu: Well, that explains it.

End
As of the time of writing, Foot Soldier has yet to finish even the easiest of the first level in the game he keeps losing. He is still dying at the spawn point, still holding the left button. }} Foot Soldier:So what if I take things too seriously?

Engineer:It can be a problem...